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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 14 February 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 14 February 2010

Trying to Please Mama

The first woman was elected U.S. president. She called her mom to make sure she was coming to the inauguration.
"I don’t know, dear. What would I wear?”
"Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll send a designer to help you.”
"But you know I need special foods for my diet.”
"Mom, I’m going to the president. I can get you the food you need.”
"But how will I get there?”
"I’ll send a limo, Mom. Just come!”
"OK, OK, if it makes you happy.”
The great day came, and Mama was seated with the future cabinet members. She nudged the man on her right. “See that girl, the one with her hand on the Bible? Her brother’s a doctor!”

#joke #doctor #food
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)


Human evolution is fast in the Caribbean, and has led to a recent rise in the number of mute Haitians.
#joke #short
Huma...">Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

Man: Excuse me Miss, but were ...

Man: Excuse me Miss, but were you born in Tennessee?
Woman: No, why?
Man: Because your the only ten-I-see!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

Taylor was desperate for busin...

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, "You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can."
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty as hell, so I told him to split."
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 2.60/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (5)

An Elderly Man Lived Alone

AN elderly man lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and he went to the parish priest and asked if he would say a mass for his poor departed pet. The priest replied: "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane."
"I'll go right away Father," the man replied. "Do ya think $5000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
"Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?" the priest exclaimed.
#joke #animal #dog #pet
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

After beating up Walt during f...

After beating up Walt during filming of Season 5, Jack said "Looks like Walt Cummings is now Walt Goings."

While Tony Almeda was able to force a chuckle, Michelle Dessler and David Palmer didn't laugh.

The rest is history.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Monster Valentine

Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentines? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (2)

A doctor and his wife...

A doctor and his wife are having an argument in the morning over breakfast and the doctor blurts out, "You know what? You're not that great in bed anyways!"

So he goes off to work and thinks it over and decides to call his wife and make amends.....

So he calls the house and the phone rings many, many times and then his wife finally answers the phone completely out of breath....

So the doctor says, "What were you doing?" and she says, "l was in bed!" and the doctor says, "What were you doing in bed so late in the day?"

The wife says, "getting a second opinion!"

#joke #doctor #food #breakfast
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Now hiring

Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?

A: They're hiring.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Why does the bride always wear...

Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the cooker and the fridge.
#joke #short #wedding #bride
Joke | Source: - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.66/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (50)

There was a beautiful young bl...

There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked, "Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?"
#joke #blonde #drinks #coke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 November 2009
  • Currently 5.62/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (52)


My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Just wait."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 February 2009
  • Currently 6.79/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (29)

A guy walks into a bar and dem...

A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"
The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"
The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 February 2009
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (10)

My kids love going to the Web,...

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 February 2009
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

Bee Jokes 04

Q: Why do bees buzz?
A: Because they can't whistle!
Q: Can bees fly in the rain?
A: Not without their little yellow jackets!

Q: Why did the bee started talking poetry?
A: He was waxing lyrical!

Q: What goes zzub, zzub?
A: A bee flying backwards!

Q: What are the cleverest bees?
A: Spelling bees!

Q: What bee is good for your health?
A: Vitamin bee!

Q: What's a bees favorite novel?
A: The Great Gats-bee!

Q: What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell?
A: A hum dinger!

Q: How many bees do you need in a bee choir?
A: A humdred!

#joke #animal #bee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 February 2009
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Two kids are talking one day

Two kids are talking one day.

One asks the other, "What does your father do?"

"He's a lawyer."

"Honest?," the first asks incredulously

"No, just a regular lawyer."
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 February 2009
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

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