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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 28 April 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 28 April 2012

Really funny jokes-Divorce is easy

Sam : You know what, it's really easy to get a divorce in the Middle East. A man is just required to say "I divorce you" to his wife 3 times and it's done!
Jack : It's even easier in the US. All a man has to say is "Yeah, that dress makes your butt look fat" once.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (10)

A helicopter carrying passenge...

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them.

Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door. The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said? The aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed!"

"Of course I heard you," the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!"
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #39 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Bridal Suite…

Every year on their wedding anniversary my boss, Woody, and his wife celebrated by staying at the same resort hotel. On their 25th anniversary they booked their usual room. But when the hotel's bell captain escorted them upstairs, they were in for a big surprise. “There must be some mistake,” Woody said. “This looks like the bridal suite.”

“It's okay,” the bell captain reassured him. “If I put you in the ballroom, that doesn't mean you have to dance.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - April Fail Compilation 2012

April Fail Compilation 2012 - Lots of funny fails - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

The hedge-money of the investment bankers is over.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - The Toilet of DOOOM

The Toilet of DOOOM | Source : Jokes photos - Used to be - WTF Pictures and WTF videos - but site no longer exists
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

A helicopter carrying passenge...

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them. Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door. The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!".
"Of course I heard you", the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!"
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

there was this boy who meet th...

there was this boy who meet this girl who wanted to make love with her. they kissed and licked each others privot thigs.

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.13/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (8)

Demetri Martin: How to Be a Bouncer

How to be a bouncer: 1) be an a**hole; 2) stand near a door.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (51)

If you work in an office with ...

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 April 2011
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (50)

An Apocalyptic One-Liner

Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little just to be funny.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 January 2010
  • Currently 5.35/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (57)

A man walked into a bar, s...

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks.

Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?"

The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor."

The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar.

Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three.

The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 December 2009
  • Currently 6.12/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (74)

Change your course

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.” The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.” Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!” “I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.” Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!” There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 May 2009
  • Currently 5.55/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

How do you tell a kebab to be ...

How do you tell a kebab to be quiet?
Shh, kebab
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 April 2010
  • Currently 5.66/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (56)

Big Mouth!

A Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. "I'll have a pound of that salmon," he said.
"That's not salmon," the clerk said. "It's ham."
"Mister," the customer snapped, "in case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 April 2009
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (42)

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you...

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 April 2009
  • Currently 4.54/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (13)

Scientists have estimated that...

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 April 2011
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (10)

Cliff side accident

After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff.

Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette.

After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight.

They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice themselves and let go, to save the others.

Well, they talked about it for a while but no one could decide a fair way of choosing who should jump.

Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap.

To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice.

She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them.

After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping!

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 April 2011
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (9)

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