Jokes of the day for Monday, 15 October 2012
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 15 October 2012 |
Organic
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
Hilarious jokes-Raising rabbits
Jean Luc searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found.
Finally, an old priest, Father Pierre, at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. Jean Luc successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them.
One restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. Jean Luc replied with a smile, 'I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have ... a hutch back of Notre Dame.'
A couple, desperate to conceiv...
A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply.
A couple, desperate to conceiv...
A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply.
Top 10 Signs That It Is Time to Join E-Mailers Anonymous
10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom, and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.9) Your firstborn is named Dotcom.
8) You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
7) You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your child in the overhead compartment.
6) You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
5) You find yourself typing ''com'' after every period.com.
4) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
3) You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
2) You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
1) Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone.
The Twist
It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date.He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.
"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"That's cool," says Bobby.
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do.
Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it.
"Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw, she'll screw all night if we let her!"
Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good.
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "DARN IT, DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
Family Bible
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. “Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat dea...
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.Name plates
Three young women were hired by an insurance company on the same day.A year later the boss said each of them was due for a promotion, and that each woman would get her own office with her name on the door.
One day one of the women came in and found to her surprise that the other women had already moved into their own offices.
Going to her boss's office, she asked when her own office would be provided.
He pulled back his chair from his desk and unzipped his fly. "See this?" he asked, "This is quality, and in this company, quality goes in before the name goes on."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norr...
Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring.Doing 3 knots!
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks for old times sake.He hires a prostitute, takes her up to a room and goes at it as best as he can for a guy his age.
After a couple of minutes he asks, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three knots?" He asks. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Ted Alexandro: Future Wife
Im single. I often think about my future wife and how lax shes been about getting in touch with me. Humor About Leprechauns
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in a pub, when an irate Irishman stands up : "You're making' out we're all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose."
"I'm sorry sir, I..."
"Not you," says the Irishman, "I'm talking to that little fella on your knee."
Lavell Crawford: Get to Heaven
If I get to Heaven and God is white, Id be like, I knew it all along. Show me to the hood. But if I get to Heaven and God is black, thats going to piss me off a little bit. Id be like, Aint this a bitch? Youve been black all along? Aint you been seeing what the hells going on down there? 
