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Jokes of the day for Friday, 02 November 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 02 November 2012

Abortion Bill

A Congressional aide asks the politician: "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"
The politician's reply: "Shhhhh -- just pay it."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.88/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (8)

Short funny jokes-Party game

What is a party game played by Swedes?
One Swede goes into a box and the other Swede tries to guess which Swede is in it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

SLIDESHOW #19 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A cop pulls a young guy over: ...

A cop pulls a young guy over:
"Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid.
"Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop.
Yup, but I didn't see you!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Closing the Car Hood: Level - Female

Closing the Car Hood: Level - Female - Takes a skill to make this right - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A cop pulls a young guy over:<...

A cop pulls a young guy over:
"Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid.
"Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop.
Yup, but I didn't see you!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - mailbox looks strange today

mailbox looks strange today - Probably something to do with weather | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (3)

The brilliance of humanity...

A man and his wife arrived at an automobile dealership to pick uptheir car, but were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. They went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As they watched from the passenger's side, the guy instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," the man announced to the technician, "It's open!"

"I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."

#joke
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Wine and Smoking

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and smoking, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

#joke #short #doctor
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Deodorant Stick

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist: "we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?" the pharmacist asks.

"Yes!" the blonde replies: "I'll go and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says: "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

82/365 Do you want to know a...

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."

#joke #blonde
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 September 2012
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (40)

Biblical Babysitter

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath into a very deep sleep.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 July 2012
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (30)

The show Survivor had the orig...

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 December 2011
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (9)

A magician was working on a cr...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 January 2010
  • Currently 7.01/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (72)

A brunette who really hated bl...

A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.

'Every blonde in the world will get two million.' The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.

'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.'

The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 'Now for your third wish.' said the genie.

'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette, 'I want you to beat me half to death with it.'

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 November 2009
  • Currently 5.82/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (72)

Gas Station Fill-up

There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase it's sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."

Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free sex". The buddy replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 November 2011
  • Currently 7.30/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (44)

Good Question!

And Moses looked upon the Lord and said:
"We are your chosen people and you want us to cut the tips off of our WHAT?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 November 2009
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (37)

Jon Dore: Ability to Hide

My grandfather avoided the Holocaust with his ability to hide, and by not being Jewish, and by living in Canada his entire life -- all about strategy.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 September 2012
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (11)

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