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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 06 November 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 06 November 2012

Unusual resemblance

One day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him."

So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder: "Excuse me sir," he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!"

The second man turns around and says: "Yeah, I noticed the same thing, where you from?"

"I'm from Dublin" he says.

"Me too!" the second man says: "What street do you live on?"

"McCarthy street" he says.

"Me too!" the second man replies: "What number is it?"

"162," he says.

"Me too!" the second man exclaims: "What are your parents' names?"

"Connor and Shannon", the man says.

"Mine too!” the second man cries out: "This is unbelievable!"

They buy some more Guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks: "What's new today?"

T-Bar Interior shot

"Oh, nothing," the bartender replies: "The Murphy twins are drunk again."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Funny jokes-To the extent

She was Blonde to the extent that:

...she wanted to check how long she could sleep, so she took a ruler to bed
...she thought General Motors was an army man.
...she thought there was a new CD for cats called Meow Mix.
...she studied hard for a blood test.
...she thought she had to buy a token to get into "Soul Train."
...she sold the car so she could buy gas!
...she took Bus No. 33 twice when she missed Bus No. 66
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

A Little Extra In The Soup....

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there.A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it!

He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"

The other missionary said, "I just peed in the soup!"

#joke #food #soup
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Marshmallow roasting level PRO

Marshmallow roasting level PRO - Enough for everybody | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Doctor, should I file my nails?

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?

Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Danger in D.C.

Q: What is the most dangerous thing in Washington D.C.?
A: An intern with a chipped tooth.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

knock knock
who's there ...

knock knock
who's there
oddley hee
oddley hee who
I didn't know you could yodel!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 September 2012
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (40)

A blonde was hard up for money...

A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighborhood, trying to find a job.
She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left.
He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done. "Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean." his wife replied. Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man.
The astonished man handed her a $100 bill, and asked how she finished it so quickly.
"It takes time, but it was easy." was her reply. "Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 August 2012
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

When Chuck Norris watches a po...

When Chuck Norris watches a pot, it boils immediately.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 October 2011
  • Currently 3.28/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (46)

Filming on location for Walker...

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
#joke #chuck-norris #animal #lamb
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 November 2011
  • Currently 2.81/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (68)

A blonde and a lawyer are seat...

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and, if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 November 2009
  • Currently 6.74/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (61)

Not me!

A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a large evening ashore.

As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself.

Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!"

The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.

"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he?d also shit in your pants."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 November 2010
  • Currently 3.97/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (37)

A cold winter night

Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night.

He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's lawyers gathered around the pot-bellied stove, discussing the town's business. Not one offered to allow Dow into the circle.

Dow told the men who he was, and that he had recently had a vision where he had been given a tour of Hell, much like the traveler in Dante's Inferno.

When one of the lawyers asked him what he had seen, he replied, "Very much what I see here: All of the lawyers, gathered in the hottest place."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 November 2011
  • Currently 3.77/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (13)

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest...

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 7.92/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (24)

Dad, What is sex?

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she would ask such a question.

But, he reckons if she's old enough to ask the question, then surely she's old enough for a straight answer.

So, the father proceeds to tell his young daughter all about the "birds and the bees."
After a brief explanation, the little girl appears wide-eyed in disbelief. "By the way, dear, why do you ask?" the father asks.

The little girl replies, "Mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

#joke #animal #bird #bee #food #dinner
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

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