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Jokes of the day for Friday, 07 December 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 07 December 2012

Really funny jokes-Wiper blades

I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain.
Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattle snakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine.
What! You've never heard of . . . wind chilled vipers?
#joke #animal #snake
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A new apartment...

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home".

Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.

"Johnatahan," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath."

"Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains...."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

He Might Know You

There was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says "Did you know you were speeding back there."

The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband "What did he say, what did he say?"

The man turns to his wife and said "He said I was speeding." The officer then said "Where are you from?"

The man replied "Chicago"

The wife then says "What did he say, what did he say?"

The man turns to his wife and said, "He wanted to know where we came from."

The officer then said "Shit, you know, I had my worst fuck ever in Chicago."

The lady then says "What did he say, what did he say?"

The man turns back and says "He says he thinks he knows you."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Colton Morris crazy photo - no Photoshop

Colton Morris crazy photo - no Photoshop - But, HOW HE DID IT?? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Car or Haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."
Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks they went in to the study, where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut."
The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair also."

To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

#joke #father
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.08/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (40)

LIE DETECTOR ROBOT

Dad buys a LIE DETECTOR ROBOT which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.”Son, where were you today?” The son says “at school dad.” Robot slaps the son! “OK, I watched a DVD at my friends house!” “What DVD?” “Toy story.” Robot slaps the son again! “OK, it was a %&%*o”Dad yells “What! When I was your age I didn't know what %&%* was!” Robot then slaps the dad!Mom laughs “HAHAHA! He's certainly YOUR son.” Robot then slaps the mom….

#joke #food #dinner #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (14)

Chuck Norris counted to infini...

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 November 2011
  • Currently 2.52/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (52)

A burglar broke into a house o...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses," the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"
The bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!"
#joke #animal #bird #parrot
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 November 2009
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (67)

The new minister's wife had a ...

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.
When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out,"Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 December 2009
  • Currently 6.03/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (65)

Chris Rock: Natural Causes

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, its natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, its natural causes. Cause if you was younger, youd got out of the way.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 December 2010
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (65)

Bag

Saddam sent his son shopping to get some food.

His son came back with the food on his head.

So Saddam says "Why have you got the shopping on your head?"

The son replies, "Because there is no Baghdad!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short #food
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 December 2010
  • Currently 4.06/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (54)

End of the earth

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?

Submitted by sai1ram

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 December 2011
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (45)

Bee in band class...

The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its demise.

"Is it a bee?" another student asked.

"Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."

#joke #animal #bee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 December 2008
  • Currently 5.53/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (15)

Thai Rivera: Paying Customer

I cant stand homeless people. I dont feel bad about saying it. I dont mind saying it because I give homeless people money. I give them more money than I should, so I feel, as a paying customer, I have a right to complain.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 September 2011
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (39)

Four Surgeons

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on.
The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".
The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order".
The third surgeon said, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.
The fourth surgeon said, "I like operating on lawyers".
The other three surgeons looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked why.
The fourth surgeon replied, "Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable".

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Public pool

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

#joke #short #sport #swimming #diving
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.07/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (15)

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