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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 30 December 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 30 December 2012

Doctor's Prescription

A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor. After checking the chart and listening to the wife's ceaseless chatter, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer.

The man asked: "How often do I take these?"

Consulting with the doctor

"Let's start with once every six hours. But they're not for you," replied the doctor: "They're for your wife."

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

Really funny jokes-Henpecked Husbands

Henpecked Husbands
* He comes right out and says what she tells him to Think.
* She does not have to raise the roof, all she has to do is raise an eyebrow.
* He always has the last word - he says, "I'm sorry".
* He was a man about town; she has turned him into a mouse around the house.
* The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.
* He was a dude before marriage - now he is Subdued.
* He goes to a woman dentist - it's a relief to be told to open his mouth instead of to shut it.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

SLIDESHOW #68 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Things You Should Never Say To A Police Officer

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!

5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

7. Bad cop! No doughnut!

8. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on the T.V show Cops?

#joke #beer
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Cool way to put out a boat fire - FIRE FIGHTING WIN!

Cool way to put out a boat fire - FIRE FIGHTING WIN! - Warning Bad Kiwi Language - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

You got mail

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive

blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to

the mail box.

She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the

house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to

the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again.

Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out

again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it

closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked

her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer

keeps giving me a message saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

#joke #blonde
  • Currently 3.91/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (11)

Funny Photo of the day - Easy chair having beer and good time

Easy chair having beer and good time - You are welcomed to join! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Q:What goes up but never comes...

Q:What goes up but never comes down?

A:Your age!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (3)

Man-guage

A guide to man language

“I'M GOING FISHING” Means: “I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“IT'S A GUY THING” Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?” Means: “Why isn't dinner already on the table?”

“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR…” Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN” Means: “I have no idea how it works.”

“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.” Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”

“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD.” Means: “I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR.” Means: “Are you still talking?”

“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.” Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.” Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

“OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.” Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt.”

“HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING.” Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon.”

“I CAN'T FIND IT.” Means: “It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?” Means: “What did you catch me at?”

“I HEARD YOU.” Means: “I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE” Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.” Means: “”Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.”

“I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.” Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (9)

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a wat...

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 July 2011
  • Currently 2.38/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (60)

One reason the Military Servic...

One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 April 2011
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (9)

A married couple were asleep w...

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, thewife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment andsaid, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, someyoung woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 December 2009
  • Currently 6.04/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (75)

Restless Little Girl

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 April 2009
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (11)

Two blondes were in a parking ...

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 December 2009
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (64)

Computer Flatlined..

I work in a busy office, and when a computer goes down it causes quite an inconvenience. Recently one of our computers not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.

"This computer has flat-lined," a co-worker called out with mock horror.

"Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 December 2010
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (34)

I Have A Question


A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?
The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 December 2010
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (18)

Newton's Third Law is wrong: A...

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 December 2011
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (13)

Texan Farmer Travels

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 January 2011
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (32)

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