Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 29 May 2013
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 29 May 2013 |
The learning priest
The young priest hears a few confessions, after which the old priest suggests him to come out so they could have a discussion.
The Old priest says, "I suggest that you cross your arms, rub your chin and say things like "Ok, I see" or "Yes, carry on" or "I understand".
The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin and repeats all the expressions the older priest had suggested.
The old priest remarks, "What do you say, isn't it better than slapping your knee and saying, "No sh*t... what happened after that?"
Two drunks were in a bar party...
Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking boiler makers, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling each other "professor," and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months! "TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't take that long!!""Oh yeah?" says one drunk. "The box said 2-4 YEARS!"
“I've planted part of...
“I've planted part of a riding whip. I'm hoping for a nice crop.”
In Love
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
Two drunks were in a bar party...
Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking boiler makers, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling each other "professor," and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months! "TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't take that long!!""Oh yeah?" says one drunk. "The box said 2-4 YEARS!"
New Investments
Looking for some new investments? .....you may want to consider the following before you invest:The U.S. Treasury has just announced that it will sell three new types of bonds:
1. The Al Gore bond, which has no interest.
2. The Monica Lewinsky bond, which has no maturity And...
3. The Bill Clinton Bond, which has no principle.
Answering Machine Message 216
If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone.
Ronald McDonald in a N*dist Colony
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a n*dist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.
The ocean was once fresh water...
The ocean was once fresh water but Chuck Norris likes his shrimp salty.Handcuffed
What do you call a handcuffed man?Trustworthy.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
An explorer walked into a clea...
An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes". "How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?""I killed it with my club" replied the pigmy.
"That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?"
The pigmy replied: "There's about 150 of us"
John Caparulo: Yard Sales on Memorial Day
Every year back in Ohio, we would have yard sales on Memorial Day weekend, so its like Mardi Gras for white trash. Dan Cummins: Pizza Sale
I saw a grown man once riding one of those weird standup scooters down the side of the road -- you have to tilt to make it move forward, I think its called a Segway or a Douchebag Way -- wearing a toga and holding a sign for a pizza sale. My first thought was, Congrats, youve hit rock bottom. But my second thought was, If you took away just the sign, then that guy would rule.
A Jewish Landing
As the plane settled down at Ben Gurion airport, the voice of the Captain came on:
"Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seat belt signs have been turned off.""To those of you standing in the aisles, we wish you a Happy Hanukkah."
"To those who have remained in their seats, we wish you a Merry Christmas."
I think...
There are three girls at a bar, a red head, a brunette, and a blonde. They have a seat at the bar. The bar tender says, "If you go into the bathroom there is a mirror. Look into the mirror and tell anything in your life that you believe is true. If you are telling the truth then "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out, if you lie then "POOF" you'll disappear."
So the red head goes in first and stares deeply into the mirror and proclaims, "I think that i am the most beautiful woman in the world!", "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out.
Then the brunette goes in. "I think that i am the smartest woman in the world," "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out.
Now it's the blonde's turn. She slowly walks into the bathroom with her hands over her eyes and peeks between her fingers at the mirror. She waits... nothing happens... she is glad. She stands bravely and states, "I think... "POOF " she disappears.
Submitted by Curtis
