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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 30 June 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 30 June 2013

One line jokes-Lazy

My friend Jack is really lazy - he's the only one I know who has installed a smoke alarm with a snooze function.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

IT Students

An IT student is walking along with his bike when another IT student walks up to him and goes “Nice bike. Where did you get it?”

The first student says, “The other day, this beautiful woman ran up to me with this bike, threw it on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said ‘Take anything you want!'”

The first student says, “So I took the bike”.

The second student says, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit”.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

How many divorced men does it ...

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
NONE, they never get the house!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.75/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - How to pour coffee properly

How to pour coffee properly - You will have to stretch a bit first | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.22/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (9)

The golf shot...

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit theblasted ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man-you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"

#joke #sport #golf
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Redneck quickies 17

You might be a redneck if...

You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

You've never paid for a haircut.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

You've ever made change in the offering plate.

The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."

You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...

You own at least 20 baseball hats.

You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

#joke #food #soup #sport #baseball #redneck
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

“When the wino suspec...

“When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, he needed more proof.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

Mad Dog!

What do you call a dog that hears voices?
A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.05/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (40)

Reaching the end of a job inte...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (44)

Nagasaki never had a bomb drop...

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 June 2011
  • Currently 1.99/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (70)

Burglars Just Broke In


An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" [Turn from your sin]

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"





#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 June 2008
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

If you can see Chuck Norris, h...

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 June 2011
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (56)

The very high health care costs

Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world. In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.

In England, they have begun rationing health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more. In fact, they now have a nine month waiting list for abortions.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 June 2010
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (51)

A Collection Of Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.


A few guppies short of an aquarium.
A few inches short of a foot/yard.
A few kernels short of an ear.
A few kopeks short of a ruble.
A few links shy of a chain.
A few measures short of a staff.
A few open splices.
A few peas short of a pod/casserole.
A few pickles short of a jar.
A few pies short of a holiday.
A few planes short of an Air Force / hangar.
A few points short of a polygon.
A few revisions behind.
A few sandwiches/apples/ants short of a picnic.
A few screws loose.
#joke #food #peas #pie
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 June 2011
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (50)

Bill Burr: Rednecks to Afghanistan

Rednecks are like Americas pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo -- itll scare the hell out of them.
#joke #short #animal #bull #redneck
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 June 2011
  • Currently 4.37/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (46)

John went to visit his 90-year...

John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.
John yelled and said, "Grandpa, your dog won't let me get to my car."
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, "Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!!!"
#joke #animal #dog #food #breakfast #lunch #egg #meal #bacon #sport #football
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

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