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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 04 January 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 04 January 2014

Short funny jokes-Women's lives

Women's lives are healthier and more satisfactory compared to men.

Reason: Women don't have wives!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Blind date...

How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

Bathroom Troubles


Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."
The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."
Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

U-turn

A farmer goes for his driving test. During the test the instructor says to the farmer, "Can you make a U - turn?"

The farmer replies. "No, but I can make its eyes water."

Submitted by calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

Bear and Toilet

Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?

A: Winnie the Pooh.

#joke #short #animal #bear
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

“I thought Santa was ...

“I thought Santa was going to be late, but he arrived in the Nick of time.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

Chuck Norris has two speeds. W...

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and Kill.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 June 2012
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (11)

Leaves of the Book

A little boy opened the big Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 January 2011
  • Currently 5.47/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (32)

A young man wanted to get his ...

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?"
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 January 2010
  • Currently 5.52/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (69)

Industrial logging isn't the c...

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 January 2012
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (46)

Mr. Johnson was overweight, so...

Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

He said, “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds.”

When Mr. Johnson returned, he shocked the doctor by having dropped almost twenty pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor told him. “You did this just by following my instructions?”

The slimmed down Mr. Johnson nodded. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean.”

“No,” replied Mr. Johnson, “from skipping.”
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 January 2012
  • Currently 7.75/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (40)

Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

#joke #food #dessert
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 January 2009
  • Currently 5.93/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (40)

Leaves of the Book

A little boy opened the big Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 January 2011
  • Currently 5.47/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (32)

Is old rope good eno...

“Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

A teacher at a polytechnic col...

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand".
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.90/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (21)

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