Jokes of the day for Sunday, 26 January 2014
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 26 January 2014 |
A passenger in a taxi leaned o...
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
Profiting from Mistakes
"Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his minister.
"Definitely not," was the preacher's answer.
"Are you absolutely certain?"
"Yes, my son, absolutely."
"Okay. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year?"
Bar... Duckman
A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "May I help you, sir?"
The duck says, "Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass."
When the Aztec warri...
“When the Aztec warrior was about to be punished severely, he was so sad he was disheartened.”
Chuck Norris counted to infini...
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.Knock Knock Collection 050
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doctor!
Doctor who?
You just said it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don!
Don who?
Don Patrol!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Donatello!
Donatello who?
Donatello'n me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don Giovanni!
Don Giovanni who?
Don Giovanni talk to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don Juan!
Don Juan who?
Don Juan to go to school today!
Sheng Wang: Toilet With No Water
I took a dump in a toilet with no water. I had to tell my friends, Yeah, I dropped the kids off at the skate park. Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards
They have a section called, New Baby. I dont think you need the word new. Theyd have to clear up confusion. Do you have an Old Baby section? Cause my friends had a baby, and I let time get away from me, and hes 12. Restaurant
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
There was this guy at a bar, j...
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Monday to Sunday ... Sunday to Monday
NY to Chicago = 1,271 km
Chicago to NY = 1,271 km
January to December = 12 months
December to January = 12 months
Ground Floor to 15th Floor = 15 floors
15th Floor to Ground Floor = 15 floors
Monday to Sunday = 6 days
Sunday to Monday = 1 DAY!!
Image credit: Rizwan Elias
Anniversary Flowers
A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning.
The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Doug's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Doug asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.
"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.
Glumly he replied, "Yesterday".
