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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 06 March 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 06 March 2014

Short Blonde Jokes

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

A: So brunettes can remember them.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.09/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (11)

“What part of the Uni...

“What part of the United States produces the largest number of cardiologists? The heartland.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #61 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The Auction

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry," said the auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

#joke
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Old Cop Dancing like a boss at Mardi Gras!

Old Cop Dancing like a boss at Mardi Gras! - It seems that all the cool police officers are hanging out at Mardi Gras. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.42/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (12)

Teaching a teacher a lesson

Two female teachers at a high school had a routine of sharing their coffee and snacks together during their morning break in the teacher's room. Each would bring a favorite snack and it would be shared between them.

The problem was a male teacher who would pass by while the ladies were taking their morning break. He would see the spread on the table and utter something like, "Wow, cookies!".

Then he would help himself without an invitation and would keep taking one snack after the other. This habit of his really irritated the two lady teachers as the male teacher never had the decency to offer anything nor had he ever asked if he could help himself.

Finally the lady teachers decided enough was enough, and they came up with a plan. One of them bought a doughnut, took out the custard and substituted it with mustard. When the male teacher came in the teacher's room that day, he helped himself to the only doughnut left on the plate as was his habit and left. He never said anything about the mustard, but never went to the teacher's room again when the female teachers were taking their snack break.

#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - Mice Beetle

Mice Beetle - Not for rainy days | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

Three older ladies...

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.

One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I was taking it out or putting it away."

The second lady said, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs, and I can't remember whether I was on my up, or on my way down."

The third lady chimed in, "Well, I'm glad I don't have those problems. Knock on wood." With that, she rapped her knuckles on the table, then said, "That must be the door. I'll get it."

#joke
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

Ponderings Collection 04

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (9)

All of my business

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years,

him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.

Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state.

Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin

caused by corporate down-sizing and it's effects on a 50 years old

executive.

Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interst for 30

years totalling nearly $1 million dollars. Pointing across the parking lot, she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank.

She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments.

By now he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car.

She asked him why the disappointment at such good news and he replied, "If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all of my business!"

Submitted by Phil

#joke
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (7)

Rollin Down

The better part of you must have rolled down your daddy's leg.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 January 2014
  • Currently 4.55/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (11)

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker...

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 July 2011
  • Currently 3.13/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (16)

Tech line

The prime minister of India was at the White House.

One embarrassing moment was when President Bush said to the prime minister, 'Could you take a look at my computer?'

'I'm having some problems with it, I can't seem to get through on the tech line.'

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 March 2011
  • Currently 2.98/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (60)

A little boy comes down for br...

A little boy comes down for breakfast and his mother asks if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” says the little boy.
His mother tells him that until he completes them, he won't be getting any breakfast.
Well, he's a little angry, so he goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows, and kicks a cow as well. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.
“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk.”
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him, or shall I?”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 March 2009
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (56)

Natasha Leggero: Male Comics

Male comics are always coming up to me, and theyre like, Hey, Natasha, dont you think youre a little attractive to be a comedian? And Im like, Dont you think youre a little ugly to be talking to me?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 March 2010
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (43)

The Israeli Archaeologist

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. Abe replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."
A week later, the amazed Abe called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 March 2009
  • Currently 6.68/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (34)

Why email is like a

10. Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.

9. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

8. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call "E-mail Envy," 6. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

4. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

2. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lotof trouble. And the number one reason Why E-mail is Like a Penis...

1. If you play with it too much, you'll go blind.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 March 2012
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (16)

14 Dad Jokes to prepare for Father's Day

Third Sunday of June is Father's Day in some countries! Get your jokes ready on time!

Thought I saw my first ever real life super hero today.
He was running down our street wearing a cape...
Turns out he hadn't paid for his haircut!

How many crime writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it has to have a really good twist at the end!

What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky!

My wife called me and said, "I've found a dead bee in the sink, what do I do?"
I said, "Get a spoon and flush it down the toilet."
A few minutes later she said,
"I've done that, but what about the bee?"

What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory.

I recently joined a support group for people who talk a lot.
We call ourselves On and On Anon.

What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.

I yelled "Cow!" at a woman on a bike...
She gave me the finger. Then she ran into a cow.

How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

What did the zero say to the eight?
That belt looks good on you.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They might crack up.

What did the big flower say to the little flower?
"Hi, bud!"

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

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