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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 05 March 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 05 March 2014

“Motel operators neve...

“Motel operators never die, they just check out.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (9)

Funny jokes-The mop threat

Jerry got into a brawl with the class bully. The big bully, in a threatening tone, growled, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."

Jerry, mustering enough courage, replied back, "You will regret it."

The bully said, "Really? And do you mind explaining why?"

Jerry replied, "I don't think you will be able to get into the corners very well."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #12 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Christmas shopping...

It is the Christmas season and the judge is in a benevolent mood. He asks the accused man, "Well, Mr. Jones, what crime were you accused of committing this time of the year ?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early, your honor," replies Mr. Jones humbly.

"That's no crime," comments the judge. "What time did you do your early Christmas shopping?"

"Just before the store opened."

#joke #christmas
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Pizza Hut + Chaotic Moon Studios Interactive Concept Table

Pizza Hut + Chaotic Moon Studios Interactive Concept Table - Lets see how it works with cheese on it - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.64/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (11)

Fly open

Mr. Reiss got himself a new secretary. Maggie was young, sweet and polite.

One day while taking dictation, Maggie noticed his fly was open and, on leaving the room, she said "Oh, Mr Reiss, did you know that your barracks door is open?"

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. Calling her in, he asked "By the way, Miss Bolt, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you see a soldier standing at attention?" She was quite witty.

"Why, no, Mr. Reiss" she replied. "All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two old duffel bags."

#joke
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Funny Photo of the day - Billboard swing

Billboard swing - Clever marketing | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.64/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (11)

Oops

A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
"Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"
At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?"
"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse.
Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?"

Hospital

"OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 6.11/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (9)

If Superman and The Flash were...

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 September 2012
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

I Dare You

At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God's work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence As he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 March 2011
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (42)

Answering Machine Message 200


(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (Silence...) Any message?

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 February 2009
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (8)

Bill Burr: What Cubicles Say

You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, You know what? We dont think youre smart enough for an office, but we dont want you to look at anybody.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 05 March 2012
  • Currently 5.69/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (48)

Jon Lajoie: Mysteries of the Universe

I have this thing that I do called Mysteries of the Universe, when I gaze up at the countless stars and infinite galaxies. I realize how small and insignificant my girlfriend is. So, I get drunk and cheat on her with my 18-year-old neighbor.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 05 March 2010
  • Currently 2.77/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (47)

I Dare You

At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God's work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence As he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 March 2011
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (42)

Pope has email

The Vatican has unveiled a email address for the new Pope.

In related news, the Pope has received a confidential financial offer from the President of Nigeria.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 March 2011
  • Currently 5.94/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (35)

Make Life Simpler Tips


Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler

  1. Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
  2. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
  3. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
  4. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
  5. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
  6. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).
  7. If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
  8. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.


#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 05 March 2010
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (18)

Wish granted???

A couple had been married for 35 years, and the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.

The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand.

Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90.

#joke
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Passport

An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.

Until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.

"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please. "The old gal raised her right hand.

"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question.

The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh . . . all by myself?"

#joke
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (18)

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