Jokes of the day for Monday, 06 July 2015
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 06 July 2015 |
Is everything expensive
Is everything expensive or am i just poor?The Pickle
There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous chicks swarming all around him.
Seeing this, a second guy strolls on up to him and asks, "What's your secret?"
The guy whispers, "All you gotta do is stick a pickle in your pants."
In a fluorish, the second guy runs off and stuffs a pickle in his pants. But when he returns to the shore, he soon discovers that every single girl that looks his way, runs off screaming in bloody terror. Confused, he hurries over to the first guyand desperately asks, "Why are all the girls running away from me?"
The first guy looks up and replies, "The pickle's on the wrong side."
Best Classroom April Fools Prank EVER
Best Classroom April Fools Prank EVER The man told his doctor that h...
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man.When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife".
“I was accused of ste
“I was accused of stealing a house, but all charges were dropped as the claims were without foundation.”
A Rabbit walks into the bar, g
A Rabbit walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender and says, "I want a cup of coffee.” The bartender says, "We don’t serve coffee here"So the Rabbit leaves, but when he leaves he sees two friends entering the bar so he joins them. His friends ask for a beer and sandwich but the rabbit says "I wanna cup of coffee"
The bartender says, "We don’t serve coffee here"
So the rabbit leaves again, but he sees two more friends so he joins them in the bar. His friends order a beer and a sandwich but the Rabbit still says, "I want a cup of coffee"
"Look,” says the bartender "we don’t serve coffee here. Now leave or I will nail your ears to the bar!"
So the rabbit leaves, but he yet again sees two more friends and enters the bar.
But this time the rabbit says, "Do you have a hammer?"
"No" replies the bartender
Do you have any nails?"
"No"
"Then I want a cup of coffee"
A man went on a business trip
A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some giftsfor his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player.Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What wouldhappened if this does not work?'The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads,'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.
Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel.He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but itwould not even switch on.
He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchangefor another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points to the signassuring him of a guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China. We read from theright to the left.'
Dangerous food
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said,
"Wedding cake."
Fix the Outhouse
Maw is outside the house hanging up the laundry, when she
hears Jethro in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, "Jethro,
get out there and fix that there outhouse."
He says, "All right, Maw."
He walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, "Maw,
there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"
Maw says, "Yes there is son. Put your head down in the
hole."
He puts his head down in the hole and he says, "Maw, there
ain't nothin'
wrong with this here outhouse!"
He goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw!
MAW, my beard's
stuck!"
She says, "Aggravatin', ain't it?"
Three nuns are talking. The fi
Three nuns are talking. The first nun says, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nun asks. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun says, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasp the other nuns. "What did you do?" they ask. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replies. The third nun faints.Porn movies
Why do men like to watch porno movies backward?They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
Price Check on Tampax
When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that oneof her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when
the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the
store to hear, "Price check on Tampax, supersize please."
As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the
store misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks."
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb
or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
Cat Jokes 03
Q: What looks like half a cat?
A: The other half!
Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
A: 'Claws.'
Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?
A: A stri-ped!
Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A: A stripey sweater!
Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!
Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
A: Frostbite!
Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'
Q: What is lion's favorite food?
A: Baked beings!
Bill Hicks: Confusing L.A. Weather
L.A. is a very confusing place, only place I know where you can have, simultaneously, a drought and a flood. Every time you watch the weatherman, he goes, Rained all day, didnt help the drought. Back to you, Tom. I got news for you, folks. If water doesnt solve your drought, youre screwed. 
