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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 20 October 2015

My friend's dad is a dentist...

My friend's dad is a dentist. This is his pumpkin for Halloween.
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

The Hat

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"  

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

The classified ad said, "Wante

The classified ad said, "Wanted: CEO needs a one armed consultant, with a Ag Science degree and five years of experience."
The man who won the job asked, "I understand most of the qualifications you required, but why 'one armed'?"
The CEO answered, "I have had many consultants, and I am tired of hearing with each advice the phrase 'on the other hand'."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Halloween witch costume - then and now

Halloween witch costume - then and now - It is much easier to celebrate Halloween now | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

An Air Canada plane leaves...

An Air Canada plane leaves Toronto's Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.

It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seemed to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, ‘I don't like Chinese.'

No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, ‘why not?' ‘You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!'

‘No, no', the co-pilot protests, ‘Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.”

Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese …doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

There's a few minutes of silence.

‘I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.

‘Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.

‘Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.

‘What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, ‘It was an iceberg!'

‘Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, …no mattah …all fukin same.’

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

What do you call a d...

“What do you call a dinosaur made of cheese? Gorgonzilla!”

#joke #short #food #cheese
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Heaven and Hell

A young woman came home and told her mom that her steady boyfriend had proposed, but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. "Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how very wrong he is."
#joke #short #food #honey #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

A kindergarten teacher was sho

A kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page illustrating several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, “What flag is this?” Little Sue called out, “That’s the flag of our country.” “Very good,” the teacher said. “And what’s the name of our country?” Little Sue answered, “Tis of thee.”
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Two fellows from Alabama were

Two fellows from Alabama were sitting around talking one afternoon.
After a while the first fellow says to the second, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The second fellow crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about that, but it sure would make us even."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

The brilliance of humanity...

A man and his wife arrived at an automobile dealership to pick uptheir car, but were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. They went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As they watched from the passenger's side, the guy instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," the man announced to the technician, "It's open!"

"I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

 Business One-liners 18


By the time you can make ends meet, they've moved the ends.
By the time you have the right answers, no one is asking you questions.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to work twelve hours a day. - Robert Frost
Cant produces countercant.
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chipped dishes never break.
Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple interpretations.
Cocaine is nature's way of telling you you have too much money.
Commit suicide. A hundred thousand lemmings cannot be wrong.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Twin blondes

What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?

Double-dumb.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

"What do you want to be when y

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor." "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Viagra/Gore

What's the difference between Viagra and Al Gore.....Viagra

really works !

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 October 2009
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (62)

Weeping Willows are a result o...

Weeping Willows are a result of Chuck Norris yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 October 2011
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (53)

True or false?

A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 October 2010
  • Currently 6.12/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (41)

Ponderings Collection 34


Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
Do fish get cramps after eating?

#joke #animal #fish #food #rice #eating #wedding
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 October 2011
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (36)

Patton Oswalt: Obituary Fear

My other big obituary fear is, when I die, theyll have my picture, and they always have underneath it, in quotes, He loved to laugh. Oh, he loved to laugh. Well, that doesnt tell you anything. Everybody loves to laugh -- youre laughing! Thats like saying, He hungered for food.
#joke #short #food
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 October 2010
  • Currently 3.31/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (32)

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