Jokes of the day for Saturday, 25 June 2016
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 25 June 2016 |
One weekend, the husband is in
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is."Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost.
His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
Over drinks one afternoon a bu
Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once broke-up with a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment.George said, "Jimmy, I'm shocked. I never know you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl's problem?"
Taking a sip, I paused and reflected. "She couldn't say 'yes'."
Answering Machine Message 223
(Noble, aristocratic voice:) Yes, one million dollars could be yours, IF you leave your name, telephone number, and the reason WHY you want to join the ranks of The Rich and Famous! If this is Ross Perot, Bill Gates, or Michael Jordan, just leave your VISA number and expiration date, and we will definitely get back to you!
Business one-liners 34
Success is the active process of making your dreams real and inspiring others to dream. - James Anders Honeycutt
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Tact is the art of convincing people that they know more than they do.
Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.
Take this job and shove it.
Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
Technology makes it possible for people to gain control over everything, except over technology.
That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.
The 5 P's : Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance
Some kids play Kick the can. C...
Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.Computer Problem Report Form
Describe your problem:Now, describe the problem accurately:
Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
Problem Severity:
A. Minor
B. Minor
C. Minor
D. Trivial
Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up
B. Frozen
C. Hung
D. Shot
Is your computer plugged in? Yes No
Is it turned on? Yes No
Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes No
Have you made it worse? Yes
Have you read the manual? Yes No
Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes No
Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No
Do you think you understood it? Yes No
If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
How tall are you? Are you above this line?
What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.
Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes No
How does this problem make you feel?
Tell me about your childhood
Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes No
Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes
Fred & Saddam
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?A: Both look out their windows and see Rubble.
Juston McKinney: Parking Tickets in New York
The first ticket I got in Manhattan I thought was a misprint. Im like, No, this has got to be a mistake. You put a quarter in the meter out there and it runs out, its a $55 fine. Thats a little excessive. Now, I could see it if you parked in a handicapped persons living room, but not for the meter running out. It goes from 25 cents to $55. Thats a 22,000% increase.A little boy was sitting outsi...
A little boy was sitting outside a store eating one snickers candy bar after another, when an older man walked up and said: "You shouldn't be eating so much candy, it'll rot your teeth, it's just bad for you to eat so much candy."The little boy looked up and said: "My grandfather lived to be 95 years old."
The older man asked: "Oh? by eating snickers candy bars?"
The little boy said: "No... by minding his own business."
Miranda likes to sing, and whe...
Miranda likes to sing, and whenever she begins, her husband heads outside.Hurt, she asked him, "Don't you like my singing?"
"Of course, dear," he replied. "I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."
Why do vegetarians have no sen
Why do vegetarians have no sense of humour?Because they are irony deficient!