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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 30 November 2016

“Where do you impriso

“Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A wife was having trouble with...

A wife was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When she found a prominent gray hair in her bangs, she pointed to her forehead and asked her husband, "Oh no, have you seen this?"
"What?" he asked, "the wrinkles?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #69 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Any little ones yet?

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty.

"Hello," said the Father, "And how is Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?"

"You did that, Father."

"And are there any little ones yet?"

"No, not yet, Father." Said she.

"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you."

"Thank-you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later they met again.

"Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?"

"Oh, very well," said she.

"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"

"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all."

"Now isn't that wonderful," he said "And how is your lovely husband?"

"Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow that bloody \\candle out!"

#joke
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

 One Equal To One Half


Theorem: 1 = 1/2:
Proof:
We can re-write the infinite series 1/(1*3) + 1/(3*5) + 1/(5*7) + 1/(7*9)
+...
as 1/2((1/1 - 1/3) + (1/3 - 1/5) + (1/5 - 1/7) + (1/7 - 1/9) + ... ).
All terms after 1/1 cancel, so that the sum is 1/2.
We can also re-write the series as (1/1 - 2/3) + (2/3 - 3/5) + (3/5 - 4/7)
+ (4/7 - 5/9) + ...
All terms after 1/1 cancel, so that the sum is 1.
Thus 1/2 = 1.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - Safety first - FAIL

Safety first - FAIL - Only in Russia | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

I bought a new watch, because

I bought a new watch, because tock is cheap.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

No flight ever leaves on time...

No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal.
If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence just as soon as you touch pen to paper.
If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the washroom.
The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Animated GIF - Well, that's a bad day...

Well, that's a bad day... - Well, that's a bad day... - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

A man was walking down the bea...

A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.

He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " i want a million dollers." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.

Next he said, " i want a ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.

Finnally he said," Well i've allways wanted to give a kidney."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 November 2009
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (65)

The grass is always greener on...

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2011
  • Currently 3.13/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (47)

Hypothetically Speaking

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"

The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."

The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"

The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."

The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"

He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2011
  • Currently 6.59/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (44)

Tom Papa: Friends Over 30

Ask anybody over 30 -- if they tell you they have more than 10 friends, you know theyre counting co-workers.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2011
  • Currently 5.16/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (31)

Business one-liners 46

The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

The workbench is always untidier than last time.

The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.

The yoo-hoo you you-hew into the forest is the yoo-hoo you get back.

There are no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something. - Thomas Edison, remarking about his laboratory

There are no winners in life...only survivors.

There are only two forces that unite men, fear and self-interest...Napoleon

There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.

There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1 - Don't tell people everything you know.

There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of proportion.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 November 2010
  • Currently 6.04/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (23)

The New Pastor in Town

The new associate pastor, nervous about hearing confessions asks an older priest to listen in. Several penitents later, his mentor offers a few suggestions.“Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand,” he says. “Try saying things like, ‘I see, yes, go on. I understand. How did you feel about that?”The new priest tries out the words and gestures. The old priest says, “Good, now, don’t you think that's a little better than slapping your knew and saying, ‘No way! You did what?'"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.95/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (22)

Good are you at PowerPoint?

- Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?"

- Me: "I Excel at it."

- Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

#joke #pun #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

Silence

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days.
Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.
"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."
He looked confused,
"What are you talking about?"
"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged.
"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."       

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 September 2015
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

A magician was working on a cr...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 January 2010
  • Currently 7.01/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (72)

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