Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 07 December 2016
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 07 December 2016 |
I am hereby officially tenderi
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.
All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again.
I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.
So, here's my check book and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause... Tag! You're it!
Denounce the devil!
![Denounce the devil!](/jokes-archive/2016/12/07/Denounce-the-devil-21.jpg.400.jpg)
The Priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the Priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!"
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still the man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know for sure where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
#joke
New Jersey Crazy Law
Bernards Township
Caldwell
Cranford
Cresskill
Elizabeth
Manville
Newark
Ocean City
Raritan
Sea Isle City
Trenton
The French-Canadian lumberjack
The French-Canadian lumberjack cut his friend in half. He was accused of sawed-ami.#joke #short
The woman entered the room, an...
![The woman entered the room, an...](/jokes-archive/2016/12/07/The-woman-entered-the-room-2C-an-.jpg.400.jpg)
The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach.
Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance.
He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.
Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.
And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again...
Don't you just love shopping for shoes?
#joke
The new minister's wife had a ...
![The new minister's wife had a ...](/jokes-archive/2009/12/07/The-new-minister-27s-wife-had-a-.jpg.400.jpg)
When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out,"Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them."
#joke
Chris Rock: Natural Causes
![Chris Rock: Natural Causes](/jokes-archive/2010/12/07/Chris-Rock-3A-Natural-Causes.png.400.jpg)
#joke #short
End of the earth
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?
Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Curtis
#joke #short
Favourite cuisines
![Favourite cuisines](/jokes-archive/2023/05/10/Favourite-cuisines.jpg.400.jpg)
A prison inmate’s favourite cuisine is Cajun.
A dominatrix’s favourite cuisine: Thai.
A bridgesbuilder’s favourite: Spanish.
Race car driver’s favourite: Russian.
Track and field star’s favourite: Polish.
#joke #short
Natasha Leggero: Boston Blackout
![Natasha Leggero: Boston Blackout](/jokes-archive/2012/03/09/Natasha-Leggero-3A-Boston-Blackout.jpg.400.jpg)
#joke #short
10 years ago we had Johnny Cas...
![10 years ago we had Johnny Cas...](/jokes-archive/2015/08/06/10-years-ago-we-had-Johnny-Cas-.jpg.400.jpg)
#joke #short