Jokes of the day for Monday, 26 June 2017
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 26 June 2017 |
“Lead would be great
“Lead would be great for making electric guitars. After all, it is a heavy metal.”
Cleaning mud can lead to a
Cleaning mud can lead to a life of grime. It's a slippery slop.A young boy enters a barbersho...
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The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
Stealing The Camera
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
February 1, 1993
Raleigh, N.C., police charged Vernon Edsel Brooks, 34, with robbing a Radio Shack in July, despite his foresight in disabling a video surveillance camera by taking the camera with him as he fled.
Because he forgot to take the recorder to which the camera was connected, police found a tape containing a full facial shot of Brooks reaching for the camera.
Shack It to Me...in Heaven
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A lady went to the police stat
A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband.Lady: I lost my Husband.
Inspector: What is his height?
Lady: I never noticed.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Lady: Not slim can be healthy.
Inspector: Colour of eyes?
Lady: Never noticed.
Inspector: Colour of hair?
Lady: Changes according to season.
Inspector: What was he wearing?
Lady: Suit... Casuals... I don't remember exactly.
Inspector: Was somebody with him?
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together...
And the lady started crying.
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!
Hari Kondabolu: Arizona Anti-Immigration Laws
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Wayne
An blonde girl goes to the council to register for child benefit."How many children?" asks the council worker.
"10" replies the blonde girl.
"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the blonde girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
Two men went bear hunting. Whi...
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He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"
Bill Engvall: Creepy Old Man Status Achieved At 50
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The good, the bad and the ugly...
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Bad: He wants a divorce.
Ugly: He's a lawyer.
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
Good: You give 'the birds and the bees' talk to your 14-year-old daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections