Jokes of the day for Thursday, 26 June 2008
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 26 June 2008 |
This nun was taking a bath, wh...
This nun was taking a bath, when there was a knock on the door."Who is it?," she cried.
"It's the blind man.," was the answer.
Says the nun, "Well, come on in and tell me your troubles."
In comes the man.
"Wow!" he says, "Where should I hang the blinds?"
Three nuns used to go to the c...
Three nuns used to go to the church from their homes every day. On the way they would pass a house where a parrot lived. The parrot would call out three colors every time the nuns would pass by. They soon realized that the parrot was calling out the colors of their respective underpants.They tried to fool the parrot by switching positions while walking and even wearing different colored underpants every day, but the parrot was never wrong. Finally they devised a way to fool the parrot by not wearing any underpants at all.
When they walked across the house the parrot spoke out loud, "Straight, straight, curly."
All Categories
Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
Wrong way....
As a older man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on route 290. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them !!!"
A woman rings the police to as...
A woman rings the police to ask if any lunatic has escaped from the asylum in the past week. "No, why?" says the person in charge."Someone's run off with my husband."
Chatting with a bull, a ...
Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.
The moral of the story is: bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
You Should Learn To Be More Polite
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.
Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"
Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"
Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."
Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"
Men Are Made Up Of Useless Things
Did you know that a man is made up of many useless"things?"
* He has an Adams apple that isn't an apple...
* Two calves that will never become cows...
* A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere...
* A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything...
* Twenty nails that won't hold a board...
* A chest that won't hold linen...
* Two tits that won't give milk...
* Two buns that won't feed anyone...
* A belly button that won't button...
* Two balls that won't roll...
* An ass that won't pull a plow...
* An organ that won't play music...
* A cock that won't crow...
.....And what are YOU laughing about?
You've got a pussy that won't catch mice!!
never, under any circumAmanpre...
never, under any circumAmanpreetces, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.Who Is God?
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?""Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
A guy is 86 years old and love...
A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,"Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you haveever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
I Guess It Works
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained,
"I've been a little sick to my stomach."
The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Hmmm," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did.
"I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much extra work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doc said, Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?
"Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
Unusual affair
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”
His second friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”
Paddy says, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”
Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
“No, I’m serious,” Paddy says. “The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”
Deserted island
Harry was shipwrecked on a deserted island. For several months, he longed for someone to talk to; searched the horizons for even the suggestion of a ship.
One day, his committment was rewarded: A beautiful woman was washed up onto the beach, floating on a large steamer trunk. Harry got her all settled, and fed, and dried off and they started talking.
April asked Harry, "what is something you've REALLY missed being out here on a desserted island for so long?"
"A clean shirt," was Harry's response. With a huff, April reached into the steamer trunk and tossed Harry a shirt.
April let out a short huff, but persevered: "Surely there's SOMETHING you've really missed out here...all alone...on an island with NOBODY all this time?"
"Oh wow, YEAH, there sure is: I'd REALLY like a dry pillow to sleep on."
April reached into her steamer trunk once again and tossed Harry a pillow; and she would not be put off. Striking her most alluring pose, she asked in her most provocative voice, "C'mon, Harry, wouldn't you like to play around?"
Harry got all excited and started jumping up and down. "Don't tell me you have a set of GOLF CLUBS in there, too?!???!?!"
