Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 25 June 2008
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 25 June 2008 |
A guy got on a bus one day and...
A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart.Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have today's paper"?
The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."
Having lunch one day, a sex th...
Having lunch one day, a sex therapist said to her friend, "According to a survey we just completed, ninety percent of all people masturbate in the shower. Only ten percent of them sing.""Really?" Her friend said, looking slightly shocked.
The therapist nodded. "And do you know what song they sing?" The friend shook her head.
The therapist said, "I didn't think so."
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Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
Should have been here sooner!
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."
"Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"
A man goes into his doctor's s...
A man goes into his doctor's surgery and says "Doctor, can you give me something for persistent wind?" The doctor thinks for a moment then replies, "Yes, go and buy a kite."This duck walks into a c...
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"
The duck leaves and returns the next day. This time he asks, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replies "No," and the duck said, "Okay, then. Got any grapes?"
Executive ability is about dec...
Executive ability is about deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.Knock Knock Collection 193
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Whitney!
Whitney who?
Whitney have to say to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Whittle!
Whittle who?
Whittle Orphan Annie!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Who!
Who who?
You sound like an owl!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Whoopi!
Whoopi who?
Whoopi cushion!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wicked!
Wicked who?
Wicked make beautiful music together!
i am so good in bed that...
i am so good in bed that when I have sex even the neighbors need a cigarette.The Scientist and the Frog
There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with four feet, jumps four feet."
So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "Frog with three feet, jumps three feet."
So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook "Frog with two feet, jumps two feet."
The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with one foot, jumps one foot."
So the scientist cut off his last leg.
"He said, "Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!"
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."
World Chocolate Day Jokes
July 7th is World Chocolate Day! Find some jokes about it!
Why did the chocolate chip cookie cry? Because his mom was a wafer too long!
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa-nut.
There are two types of people in this world:
People who love chocolate and liars.
What is the opposite of Chocolate?
Chocoearly.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing?
Almond Joy To The World.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because it lost its filling!
Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty?
They had a Babe Ruth.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Candy boy. Candy boy who? Candy boy have another piece of chocolate?
What did the M&M go to college?
Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What does it do before it rains candy?
It sprinkles!
Once there were two chocolate bunnies and one had his ear bitten off.
One said “Happy Easter!” What did the other one say? “Huh?”
I opened a Mars bar once.
I discovered martians love gin.
Life is like a box of chocolates…
Mostly disappointing.
A seven-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, “Eating that many chocolate bars are bad for you.”
The boy looks over and responds, “My great grandfather lived to be 105.” The man replies, “And he ate that much chocolate?” “No,” says the boy. “But he minded his own business.”
What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk?
Cacao.
Why did the chocolate bar go to the dentist?
He had a chip in his tooth.
Why is a Toblerone triangular?
So it fits in the box.
April Fools’ Day Pranks - Tell your kid you bought them an iPad
I’m sorry, sweetie, did I say iPad? I meant I bought you an eye pad. Dealing with stupid people
I've decided to add “extensive experience in dealing with stupid people” to my resume. That HAS GOT to be a marketable skill! John Caparulo: Airport Security Inspection
I had my dog in one of those kennel carrier things, you know those boxes... They made me take the dog out of the carrier, so they could inspect it for explosives. Who bombs a f**king puppy? Really, who does that? Bin Laden would be like, Youre a dick, dude. I cant believe you -- thats too far.
