Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 25 June 2008
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 25 June 2008 |
A guy got on a bus one day and...
A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart.Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have today's paper"?
The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."
Having lunch one day, a sex th...
Having lunch one day, a sex therapist said to her friend, "According to a survey we just completed, ninety percent of all people masturbate in the shower. Only ten percent of them sing.""Really?" Her friend said, looking slightly shocked.
The therapist nodded. "And do you know what song they sing?" The friend shook her head.
The therapist said, "I didn't think so."
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Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
Should have been here sooner!
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."
"Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"
A man goes into his doctor's s...
A man goes into his doctor's surgery and says "Doctor, can you give me something for persistent wind?" The doctor thinks for a moment then replies, "Yes, go and buy a kite."This duck walks into a c...
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"
The duck leaves and returns the next day. This time he asks, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replies "No," and the duck said, "Okay, then. Got any grapes?"
Executive ability is about dec...
Executive ability is about deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.Knock Knock Collection 193
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Whitney!
Whitney who?
Whitney have to say to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Whittle!
Whittle who?
Whittle Orphan Annie!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Who!
Who who?
You sound like an owl!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Whoopi!
Whoopi who?
Whoopi cushion!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wicked!
Wicked who?
Wicked make beautiful music together!
Paris having sex
Paris Hilton's last date evidently could stand some improvement.Halfway through making love, she had the Red cross came over and give the guy coffee and doughnuts.
i am so good in bed that...
i am so good in bed that when I have sex even the neighbors need a cigarette.The Scientist and the Frog
There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with four feet, jumps four feet."
So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "Frog with three feet, jumps three feet."
So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook "Frog with two feet, jumps two feet."
The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with one foot, jumps one foot."
So the scientist cut off his last leg.
"He said, "Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!"
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."
An elderly lady phoned her tel...
An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found.....1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
.....Which goes to show that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning
Microsoft Support
A Microsoft support man goes to a firing range. He shoots 10 bullets at the target 50m away. Then the supervisors check the target and see that there's not even a single hit, and they shout to him that he missed completely. So he tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer. Then he put his finger at the top of the gun and shoots, blasting off his finger. When he saw it he shouted back "I don't know, it's working perfectly here, the problem must yours..."
A farmer is sitting in the nei...
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: And then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: And then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...
