Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 27 February 2018
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 27 February 2018 |
Scary Collection 52
A witch jokeWhy do witches ride on broomsticks?
Because it's quicker than walking!
A witch joke
What are baby witches called?
Halloweenies!
A witch joke
What do little witches do after school?
Their gnomework!
A witch joke
What do witches say when they overtake each other?
Broom, broom, broom!
A witch joke
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One's a hunted stag and the other is a stunted hag!
A witch joke
Why do witches get good bargains?
Because they like to haggle!
A witch joke
Why did the witch consult an astrologer?
She wanted to know her horror-scope!
The little man was perfectly h...
The little man was perfectly harmless, but the lady sitting next to him in the car was a spinster, and suspicious of all males. So, since they were somewhat crowded on the seat, she pushed the umbrella between her knee and his and held it firmly as a barrier. A shower came up, and the woman when she left the car, put up the umbrella. As she did so, she perceived that the little man had followed her. She had guessed that he was a masher, now she knew it. She walked quickly down the side street, and the man pursued through the driving rain. She ran up the steps of her home, and rang the bell...
When she heard the servant coming to the door, feeling herself safe at last, she faced about and addressed her pursuer angrily:
"How dare you follow me! How dare you! What do you want, anyhow?"
The drenched little man at the foot of the steps spoke pleadingly:
"If you please, ma'am, I want my umbrella."
Truman at the Washington Garden Club....
Harry Truman was known for his blunt manner of speaking. When he made a speech at the Washington Garden Club, he kept referring to the "good manure" that needed to be used on the flowers.
Some society women complained to his wife, Bess. "Couldn't you get the President to say 'fertilizer'?" they asked.
Mrs. Truman replied, "Heavens, no! It took me twenty-five years to get him to say 'manure.'"
A linguistics professor was le...
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right."
It was a stifling hot day and ...
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.
When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.
At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."
Answering Machine Message 32
Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.
Right baby
A Brit, a Welsh fellow, and a Pakistani gentleman were seated in the waiting area of a local hospital's maternity ward.
A nurse appears and informs the men, "Apologies, but we have encountered a mix-up, and we're unsure which baby belongs to which mother. Could any of you assist in figuring this out?"
The British man rises to the occasion and offers his help. He enters the ward and, after a short while, emerges holding a baby who is clearly of Pakistani descent. The Pakistani man stands up, exclaiming, "What do you think you're doing?!"
To which the British man replies, "Look, one of those babies is Welsh, I'm not taking any chances!"
6 Good jokes for Happy Friday
I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me...
I just found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't reduce cavities
My son asked if I was named after my dad.
I said, "of course I was, he was born many years before me."
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit covered in bee stings and smelling like honey...
You know she's a keeper.
People always ask where is Bigfoot? But never ask How is Bigfoot?
Yeti never complains
A friend told me he doesn't let his kids watch orchestra performances
cuz there's too much sax and violins.
My friend asked me if I had ever tried blindfolded archery. I replied that I hadn't.
He said, "It's great. You don't know what you're missing!
13 Yoga jokes to celebrate International Yoga Day
United Nations proclaimed 21 June as the International Day of Yoga! Have fun with Yoga Jokes!
1. Why do vegetable lovers love practicing yoga regularly?
They always want to find their inner peas.
2. How did my instructor know I was serious about yoga?
I told her I would be as flexible as possible.
3. I didn't believe yoga would fix my posture…
But I stand corrected.
4. What did the instructor say when her yoga student couldn't touch her toes?
She said, "Yoga-to try harder tomorrow".
5. Why did the bagel struggle in yoga class?
It couldn't find its center.
6. I've been practicing yoga for decades.
Yep, it's been a pretty long stretch.
7. What do you call a bagel that has mastered yoga?
A pretzel.
8. What is the most romantic yoga pose?
Pro-pose.
9. Why does everyone love yoga teachers?
They bend over backward for you.
10. What do you say at the end of a squirrel yoga class?
Nutmaste.
11. What do a cow walking backward and a yogi have in common?
They both say oooooom.
12. How does the yogi order a pizza?
Make me one with everything!
13. I'm worried I'm not that good at yoga.
Some days, I feel like just a poser.
Vegetarian's favorite place
What's a vegetarian's favorite place to dine?
An arboretum.
A guy is 86 years old and love...
A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,"Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you haveever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
