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Jokes of the day for Friday, 10 January 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 10 January 2020

My friend knows that a bon mot

My friend knows that a bon mot is like a secret magical password. ‘Oh, pun!', says ami.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

There was a lawyer and he was

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
His reply was: "The drugs are wearing off!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Drink on Friday the thirteenth

“Is it unlucky to drink on Friday the thirteenth, or is it merely stuporstition?”

#joke #short #friday #pun
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.55/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (20)

Watching Star Wars

I was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun. I said to keep warm.
She asked, "How warm is it inside?"
I said, "Lukewarm."

#joke #short #pun
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Good dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide togo to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How didyou figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

You will spend eternity here

The devil meets him at the gate and says, "Alright, you have died and come to hell. You will spend eternity here, but you get to choose how to spend it. You may choose one of these three doorways. Once you choose a door, you may not change it. So let's get started."

The devil opens Door One. The guy looks in and sees a couple of people standing on their heads on a Concrete floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."

The devil opens Door Two. The guy sees a few more people standing on their heads on a Wood floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."

The devil opens Door Three. The guy sees a bunch of people standing knee-deep in cow manure drinking coffee. The guy says, "Great, this is the one I will chose." The devil says, "OK, wait right here, I will get you some coffee."

The guy settles in with his coffee thinking that this isn't so bad. What's the big deal?

After about 10 minutes a voice comes over the loud speaker saying, "Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 January 2017
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (15)

 Dealing With Trouble


A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 December 2015
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

The Perfect Man
The ...

The Perfect Man
The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel and never mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man loves children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
And a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his love to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
and kisses away your pain.
He will never make you cry
or batter you in any way
To hell with this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 January 2010
  • Currently 4.96/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (71)

Rebecca Corry: False Advertising

I dont believe anything I see on TV. There was that herbal shampoo commercial where the ladies were in the shower using the shampoo, and theyre having orgasms. I went to Costco and bought the family pack of that. I was in the shower all weekend. The shampoo does not cause orgasms -- the bottle does.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 January 2011
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (51)

Be My Valentine

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 January 2010
  • Currently 7.31/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (39)

Chelsea Handler: AA Meetings

Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics -- Ive never needed a drink more badly in my life.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 January 2012
  • Currently 5.16/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (37)

The other day I held...

“The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 January 2014
  • Currently 5.97/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (30)

The Panda

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a meal.

After eating he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away.

Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, "HEY YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!"

The panda turns around and yells "Yes I can. Look me up in the encyclopedia!"

So, the bartender looks up "Panda" in the encyclopedia, and it reads

"Panda: increasingly rare species of bear that can be found in the eastern part of Asia. It eats shoots and leaves.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 December 2014
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

A blonde with two red ears wen...

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back!"
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 April 2016
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Breakthrough?

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. The only way to move things was by carrying or dragging. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food preparation area. It was exhausting work. The guys were getting tired just WATCHING.
Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had an idea. They could sit on the boulders and watch! This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 December 2017
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

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