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Jokes of the day for Monday, 10 February 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 10 February 2020

What's a lawyer's

What's a lawyer's favorite playground apparatus? The suings.
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

“Can punsters possess

“Can punsters possessing the acumen to puncture the bloated ego of another by his pun pricks be called an acupuncturist?”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #63 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A blind guy on a bar stool sho

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (14)

 Louisiana Crazy Law


  • It is illegal to gargle in public places.
  • It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
  • Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

    New Orleans


  • It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.
  • You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.

    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 3.00/10

    Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

    We haven't had any for some weeks now

    A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."

    Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."

    The manager then drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way.

    "Now, what was it she wanted?"

    The clerk answered, "Snow."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 October 2019
    • Currently 8.00/10

    Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

    Just A Big Mess

    After his marriage broke up, my manager became very philosophical. "I guess it was in our genes," he sighed.
    "What do you mean?" I asked.
    "Her sign is the one for earth. Mine is the one for water. Together we made mud."

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 February 2019
    • Currently 6.27/10

    Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

    A quick drink...

    A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, and make it quick!"

    The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can.

    The bartender remarks, "I've never seen anybody drink that fast!"

    The cowboy replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too if you had what I have."

    "What's that?" asks the bartender.

    "Only fifty cents!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 February 2017
    • Currently 7.91/10

    Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

    Parking Ticket

    My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.. We went up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "butthead".

    He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

    This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

    We always look for cars with Obama 2012 stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It’s so important at our age!!
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 February 2015
    • Currently 5.83/10

    Rating: 5.8/10 (94)

    Teenage Daughters

    There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters...

    The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".

    The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

    With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 February 2009
    • Currently 5.37/10

    Rating: 5.4/10 (49)

    Do you know why the Cincinnati...

    Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?
    Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 February 2009
    • Currently 5.63/10

    Rating: 5.6/10 (35)

    The Dyslexic Rabbi

    Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    A: He walks around saying "Yo."

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 February 2012
    • Currently 4.27/10

    Rating: 4.3/10 (33)

    Zen Judaism

    Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small claims court.
    Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment. But, first, a little nosh.
    Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
    Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
    There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
    The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
    Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
    Do not let children play contact sports like football. These only lead to injuries and instill a violent, warlike nature. Encourage your child to play peaceful games, like "sports doctor."
    The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."
    This joke is reprinted from "Zen Judaism: For You a Little Enlightenment" by David M. Bader (Harmony Books, 2002). All rights reserved.

    #joke #doctor
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 February 2011
    • Currently 4.85/10

    Rating: 4.9/10 (27)

    A blonde is terribly overweigh...

    A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
    When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
    The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
    "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
    "No, from all that skipping."
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 March 2018
    • Currently 8.00/10

    Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

    One day The Lord came to Adam ...

    One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said.

    Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first."

    Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."

    Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

    The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 December 2010
    • Currently 8.09/10

    Rating: 8.1/10 (46)

    Some people come into your life as blessings

    Some people come into your life as blessings. Others come into your life as lessons.
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 February 2016
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

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