Jokes of the day for Sunday, 10 May 2020
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 10 May 2020 |
A Tribe Within Africa
There was a tribe in Africa which was very fierce and warring...they would battle all the tribes in the area, and they always won. As a victory trophy, they would take the throne of the chief of the defeated tribe and carry it home, chanting victory chants and singing the whole way. When they got home, they would put the throne in the attic of the grass hut. This went on for quite some time, and soon the throne collection grew, adding to the prestige of the tribe.
One day, they battled a tribe of farily large people, some might call them giants. They won, and they struggled to get the throne home...but the chanting and joyesness prevailed as usual. When they got home, they had the ritual of putting the throne in the attic of the grass hut, but the weight was too much. The ceiling collapsed, killing everyone on the tribe.
The moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
A policeman was rushed to the
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs.Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon from the nurse in the Landrover you booked for speeding last week."
The passenger tapped the cab d...
The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to askhim something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car,nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stoppedcentimetres from a shop window.For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then thedriver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. Youscared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that alittle tap could scare him so much.
The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's notreally your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver.I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".
Wherewolves a...
Wherewolves are endangered.The greatest boss....
Our parish priest was making a visit to my nephew's home. He knocked on the door, and the little 4-year-old boy went to the door and way the priest. He called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"
Rainbows are what happens when...
Rainbows are what happens when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.Chuck Norris does, in fact, li...
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.My kids love going to the...
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
Daniel Tosh: Blaming the Amish
Am I the only person who blames global warming entirely on the Amish? Are they not a constant reminder of how awful life would be without all this great technology? Every time I want to cut back and conserve on natural resources, I just look at the Amish and I'm like, 'F**k that.' Steven Wright 21
If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!What do batteries run on?
Are there any questions?
I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.
I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.
[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Just checking.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Cowboys secret
A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Speed Limit
Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don’t understand, I wasn’t doing over the speed limit! What did you pull me over for?"
"Ma’am," the officer said, "You should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous".
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer, trying not to laugh, explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A little embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"Before I go Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone ok? These women seem badly shaken and haven’t said a word since I pulled you over."
"Oh! they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 142" ...
