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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 13 June 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 13 June 2020

The jolly fat man spoke with g

The jolly fat man spoke with great jelloquence.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Three women were returning to

Three women were returning to their Hungarian village when they spotted a man, obviously very inebriated, walking ahead of them.
As they watched him stumbling, he fell face down into a mud puddle. When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see if she recognized him.
However, his face was so covered with mud that she bent over and unzipped his pants.
She remarked, "Well, he's not my husband."
The second woman peering over her shoulder agreed, "Your right, he's not your husband."
The third woman, somewhat older than the other two, bent over to look and said, "He's not from our village."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (15)

Alone In the Carpool Lane

Cop: So, I’m writing you a ticket for driving alone in the carpool lane.
Criminal: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

A monkey is sitting in a tree

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walkspast and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?"
The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have afew tokes together.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and that he's goingto get a drink from the river.
The lizard climbs down the tree, ditty bops on thru the jungle tothe river and leans over the river to get his drink.
Well, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and fallsinto the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him tothe side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in a treeand smoking a joint with the monkey and got too stoned and then fellinto the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he's gotta check this hippie monkey out and walksoff into the jungle where he finds the tree where the monkey isstill sitting and toking on the joint.
He looks up and says "hey you!"
The Monkey looks down and says, "wwoooowww dude.............how much water did you drink?!!"
#joke #animal #monkey #crocodile #lizard
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.05/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (21)

 Answering Machine Message 38


Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Upmarket restaurants

“Upmarket restaurants cater to top end customers!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 1.25/10

Rating: 1.3/10 (16)

Cowboy's Canine

A cowboy was walking down the street with his new pet dachshund. The passerby asked him why a cowboy would own that kind of dog.

The cowboy answered, "Well, somebody told me to get along little doggie."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 June 2017
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (19)

Our Dog Daisy!!

Our dog Daisy, sleeps about 20 hours a day.
Her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her .
She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this she pays nothing and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood on Park Ave., in an Apartment that is much larger than she needs, and she is not required to do any upkeep.
If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep.
She receives these accommodations absolutely free.
She is living like a Queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,
............Our dog Daisy is a Democrat!

#joke #animal #dog #food #meal
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 June 2017
  • Currently 4.26/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (84)

Girls with lovely Scottish accent

So I walked into a this bar and heard two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent. I said: So, are you two girls from Scotland?

One of them said: "Wales Idiot!"

So I said: "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that. So, are you two Whales from Scotland?"

That's the last thing I remember.

#joke #animal #whale
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 June 2019
  • Currently 9.04/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (71)

Female hormones in beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 June 2010
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (61)

Dane Cook: Time Travel

Know what I would like to do? Id travel back to when my mom and dad had sex to have me. And Id just run into the bedroom, right when theyre doing it, and just spank my dad on the ass: Im your son from the future!
#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 13 June 2011
  • Currently 3.11/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (57)

Why English Is Tough

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
#joke #food #dessert
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 June 2018
  • Currently 8.13/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (46)

FRIDAY

LEAVING WORK ON A FRIDAY
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 July 2015
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 September 2012
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (41)

The newlywed wife said to her...

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
#joke #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 June 2018
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (13)

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