Jokes of the day for Thursday, 22 October 2020
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 22 October 2020 |
Would you walk into an unsuppo
Would you walk into an unsupported building? For most people, it's a matter of truss.A guy goes to see his grandmot
A guy goes to see his grandmother and takes one of his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts that are on the coffee table, and finishes them off.As they're leaving, the friend says, "Thanks for the peanuts".
The grandmother says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only lick the chocolate off of them".
Robbie's Little Sister
Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister.
The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move.
"It's no use," Robbie said. "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."
A wife begins to get a little
A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally pulls into the driveway."What happened?" asked the wife. "You should have been home hours ago!"
"Gus had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the husband.
"Oh, that's terrible," said the wife.
"I know," the husband answered. "All day long it was, hit the ball, drag Gus, hit the ball, drag Gus . . . "
Which one picked it up?
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.
Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
While the bar patron savored a...
While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating.""I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass. "As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.
A man awoke one evening to dis...
A man awoke one evening to discover prowlers in his storage shed. He immediately called 911, gave his address, to report the prowlers and possible burglary. The operator at the other end said "Are they in your house?" He said they were not, only in his storage shed in back of the house. The operator said there were no cars available at that time. He thanked the operator, hung up the phone and counted to 30 and called again. "I just called you about prowlers in my storage shed. Well you do not have to worry, as I just shot them all dead!" Within seconds there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and fire engine at the scene. After capturing the prowlers red-handed, the policeman asked the caller, "I thought you said you had shot them all!" The man answered, "I thought you said there were no police available!" 
Getting to Heaven from the Post Office
A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office.
After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.”
“I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office!”
From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.
Back-Up Sensor
Inventor of the automobile back-up Sensor -
I bet you think it was Ford, maybe GM, how about Chrysler? No, then how about Mercedes Benz?
No, not at all, it was a Chinese farmer!
Most of the newest cars have a Back-Up Sensor that warns the driver before the rear bumper actually comes in contact with something. Most people probably think that this valuable feature came out of the minds of great engineers, but it was recently disclosed that the concept was first developed by a Chinese farmer. His invention was simple and effective. It emits a high-pitched squeal when the vehicle backs into something.
An attorney arrived home late...
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?' 'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. To which he whirled around and screamed, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?
Just because i appear to believe
Just because i appear to believe your bullshit, It doesn't mean i'm as stupid as you think. I'm just laughing inside waiting to see what else you come up with. My Dog Did It Eat It
'Johnny, where's your homework?' Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy, while holding out her hand.
'My dog ate it,' was his solemn response.
'Johnny, I have been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?'
'It's true, Miss Martin, I swear,' insisted Johnny. 'I had to force him, but he ate it!'
I don't run from my problems
I don't run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone and ignore them like all the other adults. 
