Jokes of the day for Saturday, 29 May 2021
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 29 May 2021 |
Most South Asian dance music o
Most South Asian dance music originates from Bhangradesh.Back in the Cold War days, Iva
Back in the Cold War days, Ivan was a diplomat and spy. He was new to the USA and lived in Washington, D.C. After six months he complained to Boris, his aide, that he needed a woman.Boris dropped off a high-priced hooker at his door the following Saturday night. Ivan plied her with some vodka and caviar. As she took off her top, he noticed that her armpits were shaved. He said, pointing top his own pits, "Vomen in the old country have wool – they have wool!"
She responded, "In the U.S. it's customary and fashionable to shave our underarms."
They drank more vodka and ate more caviar. She removed her slacks and he noticed that her legs are shaved also.
He repeated, "Vomen in the old country have wool – they have wool!"
Once more, she said, "In the U.S. it's customary and fashionable to shave our legs."
After more vodka and caviar, he pulled down her panties and saw that her privates were trimmed. He exclaimed again, "Vomen in the old country have wool – they have wool!"
She then asked in loud voice, "Look buddy, did you want to screw or knit?"
Angelic Assistance?
An old-time pastor was riding furiously down the road, hurrying to get to church on time. Suddenly, his horse stumbled and threw him to the ground.Lying in the dirt, his body wracked with pain, the pastor called out, “All you angels in heaven, help me get up on my horse!”With extraordinary strength, he leaped onto the horse’s back—and fell off the other side.From the ground again, he called out, “All right, just half of you angels this time!”How I Felt
After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.
She felt the same way.
So I turned on the air conditioner.
On safari...
A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"
"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"
Grandpa and Little Johnny are
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?"Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not."
"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to."
An explorer walked into a clea...
An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes". "How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?""I killed it with my club" replied the pigmy.
"That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?"
The pigmy replied: "There's about 150 of us"
John Caparulo: Yard Sales on Memorial Day
Every year back in Ohio, we would have yard sales on Memorial Day weekend, so its like Mardi Gras for white trash. Dan Cummins: Pizza Sale
I saw a grown man once riding one of those weird standup scooters down the side of the road -- you have to tilt to make it move forward, I think its called a Segway or a Douchebag Way -- wearing a toga and holding a sign for a pizza sale. My first thought was, Congrats, youve hit rock bottom. But my second thought was, If you took away just the sign, then that guy would rule.
A Jewish Landing
As the plane settled down at Ben Gurion airport, the voice of the Captain came on:
"Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seat belt signs have been turned off.""To those of you standing in the aisles, we wish you a Happy Hanukkah."
"To those who have remained in their seats, we wish you a Merry Christmas."
I think...
There are three girls at a bar, a red head, a brunette, and a blonde. They have a seat at the bar. The bar tender says, "If you go into the bathroom there is a mirror. Look into the mirror and tell anything in your life that you believe is true. If you are telling the truth then "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out, if you lie then "POOF" you'll disappear."
So the red head goes in first and stares deeply into the mirror and proclaims, "I think that i am the most beautiful woman in the world!", "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out.
Then the brunette goes in. "I think that i am the smartest woman in the world," "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out.
Now it's the blonde's turn. She slowly walks into the bathroom with her hands over her eyes and peeks between her fingers at the mirror. She waits... nothing happens... she is glad. She stands bravely and states, "I think... "POOF " she disappears.
Submitted by Curtis
A man entered the bus with bot...
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full ofgolf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and hisbulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It'sgolf balls".
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at himthoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity anylonger, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
Two engineering students meet...
Two engineering students meet on campus one day.The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey -- Nice bike!Where did you get it?""Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class theother day when this pretty, young co-ed rides up onthis bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes,and says 'You can have ANYTHING you want!!' "
"Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn'thave fit you anyway."
A man is driving with his wife...
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat. The women just won't leave him alone.His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!"
His wife says, "Stay more to the left."
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's driving this car - you or your mother?"
