Join us on
WhatsApp
Join us on
Telegram
Join us on
Viber

Jokes of the day for Thursday, 16 September 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 16 September 2021

According to a study, According to a study, Julius had strokes, not epilepsy. So don't call him Caesar.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Saving Life

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"

How to Buy Foreclosures in San Mateo County Class at CSM

The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.95/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (22)

On a chilly winter evening, a

On a chilly winter evening, a husband and wife were snuggled together on the floor watching television. During a commercial break, he reached over and gave her foot a gentle squeeze.
"Mmmmm," she said. "That's so sweet."
"Actually," he admitted sheepishly, "I thought that was the remote."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Writing A Book

I’m writing a book in fifth person...
So every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy who told somebody…”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

1000 Points to Get Into Heaven

A man dies and goes to heaven when Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, “You need 1000 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all of the good things you’ve done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item. When you reach 1000 points, you get in.”“Okay,” the man says, “I was happily married to the same woman for fifty years and never cheated on her, not even in my mind.”“That’s wonderful,” says Peter, “that’s worth two points!”“Two points?” he says. “Well, I attended church all my life and gave my ten percent tithe faithfully.”“Terrific!” says Peter. “That’s definitely worth a point.”“One point? My goodness! Well, what about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for the homeless?”“Fantastic, that’s good for two more points,” he says.“TWO POINTS!” the man cries. “At this rate the only way I can get into heaven is by the grace of God!”“Now that’s what we’re looking for! Come on in!”
#joke #food #soup
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2021
  • Currently 7.59/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (17)

Punished

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 05 October 2015
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

Tom did like he always does, k

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed andfalling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed ina white robe standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doingin my bedroom? ...... and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and youare in heaven."
"WHAT!!? Are you saying, I'm dead? I don't want to die ..... I'm tooyoung." said Tom. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me backimmediately."
"It's not that easy", said St. Peter, "you can only return as a dog ora hen. You can choose on your own"
Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog istoo tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.
Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return asa hen." Tom replied. In the next second, he found himself in a chickenrun, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow ........ then alongcame the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said. "How does itfeel?"
"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before?? Cluck twice, and then you push all youcan."
Tom clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Tom said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again andsqueezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Tom, for Pete'ssake!!! Wake up ... you're ' crappin ' all over the bed!"
#joke #animal #dog #rooster #food #egg
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 September 2015
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

They once tried to carve Chuck...

They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 16 September 2011
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (48)

Dov Davidoff: Dressing Up Like a Referee

I like to dress up as a referee and walk into a Foot Locker. You gotta try this. It freaks them out. They get all insecure. The guys like, Wait a second, can I help you? I was like, Can I help you, man? I, too, am a referee. Maybe we could work it out together. And then someone will ask me for a size 10, and Ill be like, Do I look like I work here, chief?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 September 2010
  • Currently 3.21/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (47)

Myq Kaplan: New Game Show

I have a new idea for a game show for people who are high, and its called Can You Remember What You Just Saw? Thats actually the bonus round. Round one is Can You Describe Whats in Front of You Right Now? OK, you got it? Were going to take it away. What was it? We will not accept awesome.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 16 September 2011
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (44)

Blonde - Tracks

Three Blonds are walking down the street when they see some

tracks. The first one said "I think they are dog tracks", The

second one said "I think they are cow tracks". The third one

said "I think they are Dodo bird tracks". What happened next?

They all got hit by a train!

#joke #short #blonde #animal #dog #bird #cow
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 16 September 2011
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (43)

Eugene Mirman: Kids Say the Darnedest Things

A lot of people think kids say the darnedest things, but so would you if you had no education.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 September 2012
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (33)

Brave captain

One fine day, brave Captain Smith and his crew of sailors were sailing the ocean blue.

Suddenly, on the horizon, there loomed a ship with a skull and crossbones raised on the mast.

The crew was frantic, seeking refuge and asking the captain what to do.

Brave Captain Smith looked at the approaching ship for a moment and said, "Bring me my red shirt."

The call was taken up at once by a cabin boy. As soon as Captain Smith had the shirt in his possession, he ordered the man at the wheel to head straight for the pirate ship.

In the ensuing fight, the pirate ship was all but destroyed.

The sailors were recounting their individual triumphs afterwards when someone asked Captain Smith why he had asked for his red shirt before the battle.

He responded: "If I was wounded, I did not want your confidence to wane. This way, you would keep fighting no matter what happened to me."

The crew had a new found admiration for its captain, and they talked all night about his bravery.

About a week later, there loomed on the horizon 10 pirate ships. Once again, the crew looked to its captain for leadership.

Calmly, Captain Smith said, "Boys, bring me my brown pants!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Australian beer-brew...

“Australian beer-brewers use kangaroo hops.”

#joke #short #animal #kangaroo #drinks #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 January 2017
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Pepsi Genie

It was a black man.....a hungry, thirsty bum. He was looking for food in a garbage can, when suddenly he finds a can of Pepsi. He opens the can and a magic genie comes out.

"You get three wishes, be very careful and don't spoil them."

"OK, OK," and without hesitation he says, "first I want to be white. Second, I want a lot of girls, naked girls, beautiful girls sitting on my face! And third, I want plenty to drink.... lots of water.

Bam, presto...the Magic Genie turned him into.....a toilet!

#joke #food #hungry #drinks #pepsi
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 October 2011
  • Currently 4.92/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (79)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.