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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 12 November 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 12 November 2022

If you get nostalgic about chi

If you get nostalgic about childhood camping trips you are just living in the past tents.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

God's Other Name

A Sunday school teacher asked her second graders if anyone knew another name for God. She was picturing answers like 'Lord' or 'Almighty'.After a long moment of silence a little boy raised his hand and said, "Howard." "Howard?" replied the confused teacher. "You know," continued the boy, "Howard be thy name."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

Little Johnny Goes Fishing

Little Johnny's father took him on a fishing trip to Canada.
On returning home after catching only three fish his father says, "The way I figure it each fish cost us $400!"
Little Johnny replied, "Well, at that price it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more of them than we did."

#joke #short #animal #fish #sport #fishing
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 June 2019
  • Currently 9.22/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (18)

Any little ones yet?

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty.

"Hello," said the Father, "And how is Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?"

"You did that, Father."

"And are there any little ones yet?"

"No, not yet, Father." Said she.

"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you."

"Thank-you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later they met again.

"Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?"

"Oh, very well," said she.

"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"

"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all."

"Now isn't that wonderful," he said "And how is your lovely husband?"

"Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow that bloody \\candle out!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2016
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Shirt Pocket

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double martini.
Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

Bias Pocket

The customer replied, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."    

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 31 August 2015
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

A local business was looking f...

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:
"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.
By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
#joke #animal #dog
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 November 2009
  • Currently 6.56/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (61)

Beautiful Daughter

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"

#joke #animal #alligator #sport #swimming
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 November 2012
  • Currently 6.63/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (41)

The Hot Shot

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ""Can I help you?""
The man said, ""Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 12 November 2011
  • Currently 6.82/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (38)

How You Earned It


A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

#joke #fruit #apple
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 November 2009
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (35)

Denis Leary: Laptops May Lead to Impotence

Laptops may lead to impotence. Yay. Im buying my daughters boyfriend an Apple MacBook first thing tomorrow morning.
#joke #short #fruit #apple
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 12 November 2011
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (31)

Mathematical solution

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 May 2016
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Cowboy without a horse

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.

"ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go...what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

#joke #animal #horse #drinks #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 August 2016
  • Currently 8.90/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (21)

Demetri Martin: Christmas Wrapping

I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper. The paper I used said, Happy Birthday. I didnt want to waste it, so I just wrote Jesus on it.
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 25 December 2010
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (48)

A doctor and a lawyer were att...

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, 'I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?'

The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 November 2011
  • Currently 5.59/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (17)

The reason there are so many p...

The reason there are so many problems between men and women is that they have such different views of sex and relationships.
Women want a relationship without the complication of unnecessary sex.
Men want sex without the complication of an unnecessary relationship.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 July 2016
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

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