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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 14 December 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 14 December 2022

Smoking Pot

Told my wife I was going to start smoking pot.
She said if I did she was going to leave me.
That's proof that it gets rid of aches and pains!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

A Moral Question

One man said to another, "I didn't sleep with my wife before I got married. How about you?"
The man replied, "I don't know. What was her maiden name?"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 December 2018
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

SLIDESHOW #36 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Diagnose this patient

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 December 2016
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (12)

Cure for a Cough

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face.
The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him-he's afraid to cough!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 October 2015
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

For a little person with a bar...

For a little person with a barbecue, the steaks are always high.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 May 2012
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

It's wise to remember how easi...

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology canbe misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filledstreets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on abusiness trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife aquicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he hadwritten her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in frommemory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directedinstead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passedaway only the day before. When the grieving widow checked here-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercingscream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this noteon the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrivaltomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 December 2009
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (66)

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#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 December 2011
  • Currently 3.35/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (52)

One day The Lord came to Adam ...

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said.

Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first."

Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 December 2010
  • Currently 8.09/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (46)

Godzilla is a Japanese renditi...

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 December 2011
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (36)

There Was A Place Crash In Poland

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 February 2018
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

There was a man walking alone ...

There was a man walking alone along a beach. He comes across a bottle with a cork in it. The man picks up the bottle and pulls out the cork. A loud roar follows and a genie appears. The genie says to the man, "I'm a little tired today and I can only give you two wishes."
The man says "That's OK, two is enough." "First, I would like one-billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Poof - The genie hands the man a paper and says "Here's the number to your account."
Next the man says, "Second, I would like to be irresistible to women."
Poof - the genie turned him into a box of chocolates.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 November 2009
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (77)

Three hymns

A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him.

The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 December 2016
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Jimmy Carr: Teasing

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her. I said, 'Alright, fatty.'

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 September 2016
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Natasha Leggero: Male Comics

Male comics are always coming up to me, and theyre like, Hey, Natasha, dont you think youre a little attractive to be a comedian? And Im like, Dont you think youre a little ugly to be talking to me?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 March 2010
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (42)

Who is stupid?

Two rich men were talking over coffee and croissants at their country club one day and one of them said to the other one, "Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't think so? Let me show you." And he called his driver over and said, "Here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes."

To which he replied, "Yes Sir! Right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid."

The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." And he called his driver: "Hey, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." He said, "Yes Sir!! Right away, Sir" and ran home.

"See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."

Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Jim said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is so stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes ... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday?? The showroom is closed!"

Ali replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss is so much worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home ... He's got a cellphone, right, he can just call home to check!"

Found on http://punjabi.net/forum/showthread.php?t=3341 , posted on January 5th 2004. by bobby basra

Photo by why kei on Unsplash

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 September 2019
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

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