Jokes of the day for Saturday, 24 December 2022
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 24 December 2022 |
Intensity of dog flatulence?
Intensity of dog flatulence? Why, that's measured by the Bowfart Wind Scale!Vacation
![Vacation](/jokes-archive/2022/12/24/Vacation.jpg.400.jpg)
My friend Jim told me that when he asked his wife where she wanted to go on vacation, she said that being married to him was a vacation.
When I commented that was a nice thing to say to him, Jim replied, "Well, actually, what she said was I was the 'last resort.'"
Eve's Steep Price
![Eve's Steep Price](/jokes-archive/2018/04/26/Eve-27s-Steep-Price.jpg.400.jpg)
Aren't you afraid of me?
![Aren't you afraid of me?](/jokes-archive/2017/01/10/Aren-27t-you-afraid-of-me-3F.jpg.400.jpg)
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, the townspeople were in church, listening to the organ play. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years!"
A blonde and a redhead met in ...
![A blonde and a redhead met in ...](/jokes-archive/2009/12/24/A-blonde-and-a-redhead-met-in-.jpg.400.jpg)
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'
The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.
The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'
The will to live
![The will to live](/jokes-archive/2014/12/24/The-will-to-live.jpg.400.jpg)
A man went to his lawyer and said "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it."
The lawyer says "No problem, leave it all to me".
The man looks somewhat upset ... "Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children too!
Dwayne Kennedy: Christmas Shopping
![Dwayne Kennedy: Christmas Shopping](/jokes-archive/2010/12/24/Dwayne-Kennedy-3A-Christmas-Shopping.jpg.400.jpg)
Christmas Eve Accident
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
"They're Carol's."
Two elderly gentlemen from a r
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"John says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."
Why is Santa Claus so jolly?
![Why is Santa Claus so jolly?](/jokes-archive/2014/11/06/Why-is-Santa-Claus-so-jolly-3F.jpg.400.jpg)
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
In Over Two Months
![In Over Two Months](/jokes-archive/2019/02/25/In-Over-Two-Months.jpg.400.jpg)
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife... she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... women like that are hard to find."
Three leaders of the big beer ...
![Three leaders of the big beer ...](/jokes-archive/2011/03/05/Three-leaders-of-the-big-beer-.jpg.400.jpg)
Paul Varghese: Knock Knock Joke
![Paul Varghese: Knock Knock Joke](/jokes-archive/2012/03/12/Paul-Varghese-3A-Knock-Knock-Joke.jpg.400.jpg)
Jon Reep: Southern Accents
![Jon Reep: Southern Accents](/jokes-archive/2010/06/27/Jon-Reep-3A-Southern-Accents.jpg.400.jpg)
Hubby: You always carry my pho...
![Hubby: You always carry my pho...](/jokes-archive/2018/05/07/Hubby-3A-You-always-carry-my-pho-.png.400.jpg)
Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"