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Jokes of the day for Friday, 28 April 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 28 April 2023

Go For Broke

Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE!”
I’m happy to report that I succeeded.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

Safety and Health at Work Day Jokes

April 28th is World Day for Safety and Health at Work! Find some jokes about it:

Danger is my middle name
but Safety first.

Why did the safety manager avoid the pile of LSD in the middle of the floor?
He felt it was a tripping hazard.

BMW recalls 300,000 due to one safety hazard...
The drivers.

I've started wearing a bike helmet, cause I find safety important. Now people stare and make fun of me. I'll never go to that spinning class again.

Some Safet quotes

If you think professional safety officers are expensive,wait until you see what an amateur costs
Follow the safety rules or you will be fired before you hit the ground
“In case of fire, exit building before tweeting about it.”
You’ll look pretty stupid trying to eat corn on the cob with no teeth
While on a ladder, never step back to admire your work
Ladder safety has it’s ups and downs.
Don’t watch her behind. Keep safety in mind!
Safety’s OK if you got all day.
Our aim is to keep the toilets clean – your aim will help!
When safety is a factor, call in a contractor.
Work Safely and Carry a Big Lunch Box
Be Safe at Work Today; Call In Sick
If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane

#joke #policeman #food #lunch
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

First Time at a Unitarian Service

A man goes to a Unitarian Universalist service for the first time, and later is asked what he thought of it. "Darndest church I ever went to," he replies, "the only time I heard the name of Jesus Christ was when the janitor fell down the stairs."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 December 2022
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

What if...

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track."

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there," answers Tom.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.

"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?"

"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station."

"What if that had been vandalized?"

"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo.

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked "Why would you do that?"

"Because he's never seen a train crash."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 May 2017
  • Currently 9.23/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (30)

Don't fondle anyone insi

Don't fondle anyone inside a courtroom. That's perv jury.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 January 2017
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

How do you tell a kebab to be ...

How do you tell a kebab to be quiet?
Shh, kebab
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 April 2010
  • Currently 5.81/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (58)

A German asks a Mexican if the...

A German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico. The Mexican says, “Sí, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews!”
#joke #short #fruit #apple #orange
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 April 2015
  • Currently 6.91/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (57)

Demetri Martin: How to Be a Bouncer

How to be a bouncer: 1) be an a**hole; 2) stand near a door.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 April 2012
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (53)

Irish Tradition

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, “You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it . Your pints would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

Patrick replies, “Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder.”

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way … ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, “Oh no,” he says,

Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me … I've quit drinking!”

#joke #walksintoabar #drinks
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 April 2013
  • Currently 8.34/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (44)

Big Mouth!

A Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. "I'll have a pound of that salmon," he said.
"That's not salmon," the clerk said. "It's ham."
"Mister," the customer snapped, "in case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!"

#joke #short #food #ham
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 April 2009
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (44)

Wrong Way

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him.
“Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 interstate. Please be careful!”
“It's not just one car,” said Herman. “It's hundreds of them!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 April 2014
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

What do you call whe...

“What do you call when only one twin survives during pregnancy? Survival of the fetus.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 March 2018
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Rolling Her Eyes

Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

A pain in the leg

An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn't heal, and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can't find anything wrong, so he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain.

The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry, but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age; there's nothing I can do about it."

The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's impossible! That can't be!"

The Doctor says, "What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it's NOT old age?"

The patient answers, "I'm no doctor but it doesn't take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken. After all, my other leg feels just fine."

"So what?" says the doctor "What difference does that make?"

"Well it doesn't hurt a bit, and it's the SAME AGE!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 December 2016
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Can We....

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.  The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’ and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven.

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. ‘Yes,’ he informs the couple, ‘you can get married in Heaven.’

‘Great!’ said the couple, ‘But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple.

‘OH, COME ON!’, St. Peter shouted, ‘It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 January 2015
  • Currently 9.15/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (59)

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