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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 14 September 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 14 September 2023

Sodomy puns are sexual

Sodomy puns are sexual in ur endo.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Learning To Count

Being an older parent, my son learned to count...
By filling my pill dispenser.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

The Worst Age

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30.
So what's so tough about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 November 2021
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

Getting tough

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.

One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulders muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, he would extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.

After awhile, he tried 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks. Finally, he got to where he could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute!

Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.

#joke #food #potato
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 October 2017
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (15)

Chuck Norris once pulled out a...

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (48)

Modern Science

Researchers say they've discovered a tree extract that could

help to prevent herpes...

.. Must be a rubber tree...

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 5.49/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (37)

Shhhh!

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 September 2010
  • Currently 6.51/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (35)

John Mulaney: Benchwarmer Humiliation

I played basketball for five years, and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then theyre just pants.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 3.06/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (33)

Zen Sarcasm, Part 1

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed... Skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
#joke #animal #fish #drinks #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 September 2018
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Friends

Friends who buy you food are friends for life.
#joke #short #food
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 February 2016
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Too Tight and Revealing

“Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife.
She said, “Wear your own then.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 July 2021
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

Doc, you've got to help my husband...

"Doc, you've got to help my husband," a farmer's wife said frantically. "He thinks he's a racehorse. He wants to live in a stable; he walks on all fours and he even eats hay."
"I'm sure I can cure him," the doctor replied, "but it'll be very costly."
"Oh, money's no object," she responded. "He's already won two races."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 October 2016
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

There were two guys working fo...

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 October 2009
  • Currently 8.15/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (34)

Jimmy Dore: Growing Up in a Big Family

They go, Well, you learn a lot about life growing up in a big family, dont you? Yeah, I learned that Im replaceable.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 September 2011
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (30)

A blonde goes to the doctor's...

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 August 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

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