Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Friday, 15 September 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 15 September 2023

7 short jokes to make Friday even better

As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

"You know, one would have been enough."

Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror!

Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand.

Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon

I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless!

To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I’m after you now!

#joke #doctor #friday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

The Worst Age

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30.
So what's so tough about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 November 2021
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

SLIDESHOW #5 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The Hard Worker

Boss: "Working hard here, Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Ever since I heard you coming down the stairs, boss!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 January 2021
  • Currently 9.26/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (19)

Visit to the museum

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 October 2017
  • Currently 8.10/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (31)

Cannibals just e-man-a

Cannibals just e-man-ate something unusual.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 September 2017
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Free sex

There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."

Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free sex".

The buddy replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2011
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (55)

Aaron Karo: New Diet

I was reading about this new diet where youre not allowed to drink alcohol. Well, I read the first sentence at least.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2011
  • Currently 5.65/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (43)

Some Really Good Questions

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?'

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message “one slice?” How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It's all right?” Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

14. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2011
  • Currently 6.53/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (38)

Knock Knock Collection 144


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ozzie!
Ozzie who?
Ozzie you later!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pablo!
Pablo who?
Pablo your horn!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pammy!
Pammy who?
Pammy the key, the door is locked!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Paris!
Paris who?
Paris the thought!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Parton!
Parton who?
Parton my French!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2011
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (34)

Laura Kightlinger: Christmas Sadness

My grandmother, she passed away at Christmas time. So now, I have this built in sadness, you know, every holiday. Cause Im plagued with the thought of, you know, what she would have given me. What didnt I get to open this year?
#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 December 2011
  • Currently 3.36/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (53)

Charged For Speeding

A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?"
#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 February 2016
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

Wonders of Water

If you’re feeling down, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed.
It’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 January 2023
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

The Worst Age

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30.
So what's so tough about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 November 2021
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

Grass thief

After being turfed from his job, the grass thief was sod by police.
There was evidence that he was carrying a blade.
Also, he sent his wife a John Deere letter.
But before lawn he was caught.
The man said “I just can't run no mower.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 02 July 2023
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

Giving a man his physical, a d...

Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey?"
"No."
"Do you play soccer?"
"No."
"Do you play any other physical sport?"
"Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 July 2016
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.