Jokes of the day for Sunday, 22 October 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 22 October 2023 |
Baboom
Forgot my Pin for the 3rd time today...
As expected, I'm now banned from Grenade training.
Greeting cards you will not see at Hallmark...
'Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:.............What was I thinking?'
'Congratulations on your wedding day!.............
Too bad no one likes your wife.'
'How could two people as beautiful you............
have such an ugly baby?'
'I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.........
After having met you, I've changed my mind.'
'I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...........
I never believed in Hell until I met you.'
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.......
that you're not here to ruin it for me.'
'As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy...'
'Thanks for being a part of my life!!!..........
I never knew what evil was before this!'
'Before you go,.........
I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again.'
'Someday I hope to get married............
but not to you.'
'You look great for your age.......
Almost Lifelike!'
'When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.........
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.'
'I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.......
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.'
'We have been friends for a very long time...........
What do you say we call it quits?'
'I'm so miserable without you..................
It's almost like you're here.'
'Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...............
Did you ever find out who the father was?'
'You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.'
While the bar patron savored a...
While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating.""I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass. "As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.
A man awoke one evening to dis...
A man awoke one evening to discover prowlers in his storage shed. He immediately called 911, gave his address, to report the prowlers and possible burglary. The operator at the other end said "Are they in your house?" He said they were not, only in his storage shed in back of the house. The operator said there were no cars available at that time. He thanked the operator, hung up the phone and counted to 30 and called again. "I just called you about prowlers in my storage shed. Well you do not have to worry, as I just shot them all dead!" Within seconds there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and fire engine at the scene. After capturing the prowlers red-handed, the policeman asked the caller, "I thought you said you had shot them all!" The man answered, "I thought you said there were no police available!" 
Getting to Heaven from the Post Office
A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office.
After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.”
“I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office!”
From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.
Chatting with best friends
The best thing about chatting with best friends is that you don't need any emoticons to express your feelings… They already know it, feel it. Restaurant
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
Photographic memory
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
Heart Attack
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days To live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer. After her Last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?"
God replied, "Girl, I didn't even recognize you."
An Irishman, an Italian, and a...
An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there's a better one. At McDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and McDougal himself will buy your third drink!" The others agree that sounds like a nice place.
Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.
Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's this place called Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"
"No," replies the Polish guy, "but it happened to my sister!"
