Jokes of the day for Friday, 07 November 2025
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 07 November 2025 |
I Don't Have Time
My 5 year old daughter drew a nice picture of a princess and beautiful flowers and sunshine.
Then she brought the picture to her daddy and said, "Daddy, this is a picture of you and me, but I don't have time to draw you."
Do You Drink?
Lady: Do you drink?
Man: Yes
Lady: How much a day?
Man: 3 6 packs
Lady: How much per 6 pack
Man: about $10.00
Lady: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 6 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't drank, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your f*cking Ferrari then?
I believe...
A Scottish atheist was spending a quiet day fishing in the lake when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth waiting below to swallow them both.
As the Scotsman sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"
Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
Tom Shillue: Pose for a Painting
When I meet a girl, I ask her to pose nude for a painting Im doing because thats a very good way to get her to sleep with me. 
A young boy had just gotten hi...
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study & said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little & get your hair cut, & we'll talk about it."After about a month, the boy came back & again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment & replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, & even Jesus had long hair ..." To which his father replied, "Yes, & they WALKED every where they went too!"
A woman goes to the Doctor, wo...
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.The doctor asks, "So what seems to be the problem?"
The woman says, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason at all. It's starting to scare me."
The Doctor tells her, "I think I have just the cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish, and swish, but don't swallow it until he leaves the room or decides to go to bed."
Two weeks later, the woman returns, looking fresh and reborn. The woman says, "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started to lose it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?!"
The Doctor informs her, "The water itself does nothing. It's having to keep your mouth shut that does the trick."
Ed Helms: Watching the New York City Marathon
I went and watched the New York City Marathon. It goes right by my apartment in Brooklyn, and I went with a group of friends. And all my friends are cheering for the runners; theyre like, Whoo! Good job! Way to go! Keep it up, youre lookin good! Great job! I was like, You dont have to do that! Thats unnecessary! You know what? Ive got a bike, you can take it. Better yet, come inside -- Ive got air conditioning; my roommate made some guacamole, its awesome; we rented Meatballs. A grandfather always made a sp...
A grandfather always made a special effort with his grandchildren. Many Sunday mornings he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time.One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and he really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, grandma came to the rescue and said that she would take the grandchild out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see Grandpa.
"Well," the grandfather asked, "did you enjoy your ride with Granny?"
"Oh yes, Grandpa," the girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shithead!"
Automobile Dealership
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “it's open!” To which he replied, “I know — I already got that side.” A man jumps the fence into a tiger enclosure...
A man jumps the fence into a tiger enclosure, saying God would protect him. He is quickly eaten and finds himself at the pearly gates before God.
"Why did you not protect me from the tigers?" the man asks. "I tried to," God replies. "What did you think the fence was for?"
Single vs. Married
Why are single women thinner than married women? Single women come home, look in their refrigerator, and go to bed.
Married women come home, look in their bed, then go to the refrigerator!
International Bat Appreciation Day Joke
Today is International Bat Appreciation Day! Find a joke about it!
What is a bats favorite TV show?
Love at first bite.
What does a vampire use to bake cakes?
Batter.
What’s printed in the newspapers when a vampire dies?
An obatuary.
What did the bat do when he didn’t know the answer to the teacher‘s question?
He winged it.
How does a bat say hi to her mum?
With a sound wave.
Why do bats live in caves?
Because they rock.
What’s a vampire bat’s favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
How do bats do the register at school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What animals are best at cricket?
Bats.
What do little bats eat?
Alpha-bat soup.
#internationalbatappreciationday
