Popular jokes (15736 to 15750)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A man rushed into a bar and or
A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar.The bartender picked up the five dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket.
Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him.
Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, "Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five dollar tip, and rushed out without paying."
Like a baby
A young couple are on their way to Las Vegas to get married.Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they had not been intimate was because she was very flat-chested. If he wished to cancel the wedding, it would be okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while and said he did not mind if she was flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wanted to make a confession. He said that below his waist he was just like a baby, and if the girl wished to cancel tile wedding, it'd be fine by him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she did not mind and she also believed there were other things far more important in a marriage than sex. Both were happy that they'd been honest with each other.
They went on to Vegas and got married. On the wedding night the girl took off her clothes and she was as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes and one look at the guy's naked body made the girl faint and fall to the floor.
After she came to, the guy asked,
'I told you before we got married, why did you still faint?'
The girl said,
'You told me it was just like a baby.'
The guy replied,
'Yes, eight pounds and 21 inches.'
A man is at work one day when ...
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing anEarring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is
curious about his sudden change in 'fashion
sense.'
The man walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.'
Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him
to say, 'So, how long have you been
wearing one?'
Las Vegas is so dry. They shou
Las Vegas is so dry. They should call it the No'wada desert.Purchasing Power Of Burgers
Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U.S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many "Big Mac" hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany's leading institutes.
The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald's restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies' relative purchasing power.
The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, "baskets" of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile.
A simple alternative, now that McDonald's has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said.
"A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, his 18 marks in Germany can just barely obtain four Big Macs," the IW said.
Conclusion: based on the Big Mac index, the dollar is undervalued, the institute said.
Americans can get their best Big Mac buy these days in Moscow, where one sandwich costs only about 59 cents.
But Russians must "work nearly two days in order to afford this meaty capitalist achievement - longer than people in any other country", the IW said.
Lucky
The cyclist, passing a pedestran crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down. "Geez, are you lucky." The cyclist says."What do you mean by lucky?" The pedestrian angrily asks. "I got hurt really bad."
"Ah, you're lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus."
Miss America
They wanted to allow divorced women to compete in the Miss America pageant. Was that a good idea?Do you really want to hear, "My dreams for the future include world peace, and that my ex-husband gets killed by a bus."
The horse...
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and swacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
He asks, 'What was that for?'
She replies, 'What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?'
He says, 'Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.'
She is appeased and goes off to work around the house.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting. He says, 'What's that for this time?'
She answered, 'Your horse called.'
You could say a lot of well-me
You could say a lot of well-meaning things about people who jump off of buildings, but at the end of the day most of them are splatted dudes.There are two menny...
There are two menny bad puns about gay couples.A Collection Of Insults
A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.
Brain like a hard drive with no read/write head.
Brain permanently in power saving / 8-bit mode.
Brain transplant donor.
Bright as a Zippo lighter without a flint.
Bright as Alaska in December.
Bright as an acetylene torch -- without an oxygen supply.
Brings binoculars to submarine races.
Broadcasts static.
Bubbles/leaks in her think tank.
Built a special showcase for his herd of pet rocks.
Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.
Caboose seems to be pulling the engine.
Cackles a lot, but I ain't seen no eggs yet.
Calling her stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
Calling him a pea brain would be an undeserved compliment.
Yo mama so black, I shot at he...
Yo mama so black, I shot at her and the bullet came back and asked for a flashlightReally funny jokes-True Believers
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
