Popular jokes (15796 to 15810)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A New York family bought a ran
A New York family bought a ranch out west where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name."Well," said the would-be-cattleman, "I wanted to call it the Bar-J, my wife favored the Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."
"But, where are all your cattle?"
"None have survived the branding."
A man was driving and saw a tr
A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!" The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie."Generation gap?
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"
With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
Dead in His Cornflakes
Q: Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes?A: The police thought it was a cereal killer.
Doctor and patient...
Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on.
"I'm about to close," the surgeon says.
The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, "I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!"
The doctor hands him the needle and thread and says, "Suture self."
Anyone in a mink coat is evil.
Anyone in a mink coat is evil. Is that a valid infurance?Someone stole my frock, but I
Someone stole my frock, but I shawl overcome.A teacher asks her class if an
A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."
Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."
So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her chest's so big she could only fasten eight!"
Are Rolaids b...
Are Rolaids banned in the Paralympics?The Eight Levels Of Joy
The Eight Levels Of Joy1. Your metabolism changes so that you can lose weight eating chocolate.
2. You realize that your kid's report card was really a bad dream.
3. Your computer actually crashes when the technician is there.
4. You bought Amazon.com 10 years ago -- and sold it high.
5. Steven Spielberg calls your boss looking for you.
6. You haven't put on weight -- your clothes shrank.
7. Your child calls from college just to say "Hi!".
8. The IRS loses your name.
Doctor Bloomfield, who was kno
Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?""Gave me a longer cane."
Saint Peter (Pun)
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they are told that they must present something "Christmassy." in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is let in.
The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night. So he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
To which he replies, "Oh, . . . They're Carol's."
“Tree trimmers do suc
“Tree trimmers do such a fantastic job, they should take a bough.”
