Popular jokes (16051 to 16065)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Termite Fun. Yep, Termite Fun.
What did the termite say when he walked into the bar?
Where is the bar tender?
When You Can't Spell
Teacher: What is a synonym?
Student: A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other!
How was I born?
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
“My shrink assures me
“My shrink assures me that my obsession with the formalization of puns is just a 'phrase I'm going through'.”
A kindergarten pupil told his ...
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?! ?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”
The Applicant
A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him: "Do you know how to use the equipment?""Yes", the boy replied.
"Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?"
The young applicant thought and replied "I'd press the button to change the points without hesitation."
"What if the button was frozen and wouldn't work?"
"I'd run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually"
"And if the lever was broken?"
"I'd get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points," he replied.
"And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?"
The boy thought about that one. "I'd run into town and get my uncle"
"Is your uncle an electrician?"
"No, but he's never seen a train crash before!"
Put it down
Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always did, when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears."What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Father O'Grady.
"Oh, Father, I've got terrible news," replied Mary.
"Well, what is it, Mary?"
"Well, my husband passed away last night, Father."
"Oh, Mary," said the priest. "That's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
"Well, yes he did, Father," replied Mary.
"What did he ask, Mary?"
Mary replied, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun'..."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by dolly04
Using nails on a house
These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away.
He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end." The buddy gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those nails are for the other side of the house!"
A couple of terrorist were mak
A couple of terrorist were making letter bombs. After they had finished, one said: “Do you think I put enough explosive in this envelope? “I don’t know,” said the other. “Open it and see.” “But it will explode.” “Don’t be stupid! It’s not addressed to you!A male frog goes to a psychic...
A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."
One who runs in front of the c...
One who runs in front of the car gets tired. One who runs behind gets exhausted.Senior Tax Return
I just received an audit on my tax return for 2013 back from the IRS. It puzzles me!They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.
I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?"
I replied:
12 million illegal immigrants,
3 million crack heads,
42 million unemployed people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons,
Half of Mexico, and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate."
Plus 1 useless President.
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?
