Popular jokes (16036 to 16050)

What do you like?

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."

Really funny jokes-Penny for your thoughts

What is a girl supposed to do?

"I'm sorry doctor, I know thi

"I'm sorry doctor, I know this is unusual but I seem to have a lettuce stuck in my bottom!"
"Good grief" the doctor replies "I'd better take a look"
"It's worse than that" the doctor says after the examination - "thats just the tip of the iceberg"

Funny jokes-Lawyer in the house!

Two old pensioners are taking

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to theplace where they first met. Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I metyou over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gasworks, and I gave you one from behind."
"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with agrin.
"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you onefrom behind."
The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sittingnext to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinkingit would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up andfollows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works.The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.
The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the littleold lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the mostathletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is bangingaway at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described asphenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they donot stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don'tmove for an hour.
Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anythingthat equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.
Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have toknow his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years'time!"
The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves.Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.
He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that,particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that50 years ago?"
The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that f*cking fence wasn'telectrified."

Something I Haven't Done

Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair.”
Little Johnny is relieved, “Okay, Mrs Roberts, good to know. By the way, I didn't do my homework last night."

The blind salesman....

A guy goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. He doesn't know which one to get, so he just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart associate standing there with dark shades on. He says, "Excuse me, Sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Sir, I'm blind, but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." The guy didn't believe him but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "Thats a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20.00."

The guy says, "It is amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the guy farts. At first he is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was him. Being blind, the salesman wouldn't know that he was the only other person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

The guy says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes sir, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."

“In political landsca

“In political landscapes the mudslinging precedes the landslides!”

The best answer to the questio...

The best answer to the question asked in an interview...

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time?" . . .

"In the mirror as always . . "

A man goes to the doctors and

A man goes to the doctors and asks why he's been feeling ill. The doctor examines him and replies "I'm sorry to tell you, you've got the disease known as Yellow 24." "What's that?” the man asks. "It means your internal organs have started turning yellow - you've got 24 hours to live".
The man goes home and tells his wife the bad news. His wife says "Well, will you come to bingo with me tonight then? Otherwise you'll never be able to." The man agrees so he and his wife go to the bingo. He finds that he's won the one-line and £10. He begins to think this isn't such a bad day after all. Twenty minutes later, he's won the full house and £150. He enters the lucky draw, worth £500, and wins that too. The bingo caller calls him up on stage.
He says "I don't believe it, mate. You've won three competitions in a total of £660 in one night. You must be the luckiest man on the earth!"
The man says "Well, no, I'm not. I've got Yellow 24."
The bingo caller looks down at the piece of paper he's holding and starts clapping. "I don't believe it; he's won the raffle as well!"

A man looking for love sent hi

A man looking for love sent his picture to the Lonely Hearts Club.
The reply came back, “We are not that lonely.”

There was a hound dog laying i

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a tourist asked.
The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope".
As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man muttered, "Ain't my dog."

“Why did the doctor a

“Why did the doctor accept a new patient? He figured he might as well give him a shot.”

Grandmother Approved

Even with a thousand games, dolls and crafts to choose from, my customer at the toy store still couldn’t find a thing for her grandson.
'Maybe a video or something educational?' I asked.
'No, that’s not it,' she said.
We wandered the aisles until something caught her eye, a laser gun with flashing lights and 15 different high-pitched sounds.
'This is perfect,' she said, beaming. 'My daughter-in-law will hate it.'