Popular jokes (16906 to 16920)

Who was the most indecisive di

Who was the most indecisive dinosaur?

Was Ireland a hotbed of glam r...

Was Ireland a hotbed of glam rock?

Hilarious jokes-American Tourists

The Surprise Party

Why were all of the ladies at the surprise party staring at the pair of handsome chromosomes?
Because they weren't wearing any genes!

Learning From Teachers

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."

Prison Inmates

Two prison inmates were standing in the cafeteria line getting lunch...
One inmate said to the other inmate, "When I was governor, the food was much better!"

Feet count

Marge was in bed with a man. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. The man said, "Oh, my gosh, your husband is home!!! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk he isn't going to notice you here with me."
The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice.
Marge's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, youre so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted, "One, two, three, and four... Gosh, you're right, dear!"

Help Me, Dad

Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny. "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"

It was a blondes first day at ...

It was a blondes first day at the office. Her first task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to prove her worth to her new bosses, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to the nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos so that the
counterman could view it, and she asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?"
The counterman looked at the thermos and replied, "Yes. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Give me three regular, one black, and two decaf."

“I have a difficult t

“I have a difficult time discerning fine jewelry. I guess I've been out of the loupe too long.”

A man walks into the psychiatr...

A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear.

He says, “What is wrong with me?"

The psychiatrist replies, “You are not eating properly.”

“My friend started te

“My friend started telling me skeleton puns. They were all very rib tickling.”

Wearing a tight bathing suit c

Wearing a tight bathing suit can cure men's headaches, if it contains aspeedominophen.

People who take flight from Cu

People who take flight from Cuba, never to return are known as Castro-nots.

 You Might Be A Redneck If 22

You might be a redneck if...
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.