Popular jokes (16951 to 16965)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
School Collection 02
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
A history joke
What was Camelot?
A place where people parked their camels!
A history joke
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school
A math joke
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair!
You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
#joke #animal #camel
Bumper Stickers 15
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"I souport publik edekasion"
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy."
Don’t mock Jesus. He is derision Lord. #joke #short
“The tree that was cr
“The tree that was creating energy was turned into a power-plant.”
#joke #short
Two guys were playing golf whe...
Two guys were playing golf when the first one said, "I really need to take a crap...""The second replied, "Well there's a tree, go behind it and do your stuff."
"The first guy looks over at the tree and comments, "But, I don't have any toilet paper."
Being a witty fellow, the second man remarks, "You have a dollar don't you? Just use it to wipe yourself"
Reluctantly, the first guy goes and does his stuff. Minutes later he comes back with crap all over him. The second asks, "Damn, what happened? Didn't you use the dollar?"
"Hell yes, but have you ever tried to wipe with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel?"
#joke #sport #golf
An Arkansas mountain woman wen
An Arkansas mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asked her husband, "What is a specimen?"He replied, "Danged if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She's a nurse."
The woman went next door and came back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body.
"What in the world happened?" asked her husband.
"Danged if I know," she replies. "I asked Edith what a specimen was and she told me to go piss in a bottle. I told her to go fart in a jug and then all hell broke loose."
#joke #doctor
Religion as Baseball
Calvinists believe the game is fixed.Lutherans believe they can't win, but trust the Scorekeeper.Quakers won't swing.Unitarians can catch anything.Amish walk a lot.Pagans sacrifice.Jehovah's Witnesses are thrown out often.Televangelists get caught stealing.Episcopalians pass the plate.Evangelicals make effective pitches.Fundamentalists balk.Adventists have a seventh-inning stretch.Atheists refuse to have an Umpire.Baptists want to play hardball.Premillenialists expect the game to be called soon on account of darkness.The Pope claims never to have committed an error.#joke #sport #baseball
Being a child actor is a medic...
Being a child actor is a medical syndrome, specifically, a cute condition.#joke #short
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"My life goal is to piss off Brahma so much that I won't need another life goal."#joke #short
Big Luggage
Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did this carefully, with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man.Mr. Smith pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides. "Were your bags marked like this?", he asked. "Actually", the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to my luggage."
#joke
As she passed the young novice
As she passed the young novices, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies," and the novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior. May God be with you."But once they were past, she heard one novice say to another, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
Mother Superior was surprised, but decided not to pursue it.
Soon she passed two sisters who had taught there for years. They exchanged pleasantries, but again she heard them whisper, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
She wondered if she had been harsh with them and vowed to be more pleasant.
Down the hall came retired Sister Mary. They exchanged greetings but Sister Mary added right to her face, "Looks like you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
Mother Superior was floored. "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? Three times this morning someone has said that about me."
Sister Mary looked Mother Superior in the eye. "Oh dear, don't take it personally. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers!"
This guy needs a job and decid...
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"#joke #animal #lion #gorilla
Marathon runner
It was the finish line of the Boston marathon. A first time runner is hobbling away, having just finished.
A grizzled old marathoner looks at him and says “You'll feel a lot worse tomorrow.”
He pauses and then says, “But the really bad news is that in about 3 days, you're going to think you had fun today.”
#joke
