Popular jokes (17131 to 17145)

 Question And Answer Jokes

Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Your honor.
Q: What do you call a judge gone bad?
A: Senator.
Q: Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Q: When lawyers die, why don't vultures them?
A: Even a vulture has taste.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 10?
A: A lawyer.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
A: Your honor.

Who Owns The Cows?

After his graduation from college, the son of a Spanish lawyer was considering his future. He went to his father and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner from which he could observe his father’s activities and be introduced to his father’s clients as a clerk. His observations would help him decide whether or not to become a lawyer. His father thought this was a great idea and immediately helped to set it up.
The first client the next morning was a tenant farmer--a rough man with calloused hands who was dressed in workman’s clothing. He said,
"Mr. Lawyer, I work for the Gonzales farm on the east side of town. For many years I have tended their crops and animals, including some cows. I have raised the cows, fed them and looked after them. And I was always given the understanding and the belief that I was the owner of these cows. Now Mr. Gonzales has died and his son has inherited the farm. He believes that since the cows were raised on his land and ate his hay, the cows are his. In short, we are in dispute over who owns the cows."
The lawyer said, "Thank you. I have heard enough. I will take your case. Don't worry about the cows!"
The next client to come in, a young and well-dressed young man, was obviously a landowner. He said, "My name is Gonzales and I own a farm on the east side of town. We have a tenant farmer who has worked for my family for many years, tending crops and the animals, including some cows. I believe the cows belong to me because they were raised on my land and were fed my hay. But the tenant farmer believes they are his because he raised them and cared for them. In short, we are in dispute over who owns the cows."
The lawyer said, "Thank you. I have heard enough. I will take your case. Don't worry about the cows!"
After the client left, the lawyer’s son could not help but express his concern. "Father, I know very little about the law, but it seems we have a very serious problem concerning these cows."
"Don’t worry about the cows!" the lawyer said. "The cows will be ours!"

“I wonder if you can

“I wonder if you can get through the locks of the Panama Canal with Florida Keys?”

Got Milk?

A man walks into a T-Shirt store and on the walls there

where three t-shirts on display for sale.

The first row had the picture of Richard Nixon with a thin

white mustache and below the picture it was titled: GOT MILK

The second row of shirts were the picture of Ronald Reagan

with the white mustache and it was titled: FORGOT MILK

And the third was of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache

and under her it was titled: NOT MILK

Myq Kaplan: Five-Tiered Religious Zone

In Obamas inauguration speech, he said, Were a nation of Jews and Muslims, of Christians and Hindus and nonbelievers. And I was like, Yeah, hear that Buddhists? Get out of here. Youre not welcome in Obamas five-tiered religious zone, apparently. Get back to Buddha Land or wherever youre from. Stick it in your fat stomachs and eat it, Buddhists. Eat it. And dont get angry at that cause that wouldnt be a very Buddhist way to behave.

Did you hear about t

Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

Truck Stop

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

What Goes Around, Comes Around

An older couple went to dinner at a trendy restaurant that had no printed menus--just a scannable QR code to see the menu on your phone.
After much grumbling about new-fangled things, they ordered a light dinner and afterward the waiter delivered the check.
When the waiter came back for payment, the husband displayed his phone to the waiter showing an image of a $100 bill.
"Here. You can keep the change."

“How do you get a lat

“How do you get a latte in the rain forest? Use your Amazon card.”

Little Balls and Old Ladies

Q: What has a bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

A: A bingo machine.

80% of Married Men

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America...
The rest cheat in Europe.

“I ordered that a vau

“I ordered that a vault and speakers be delivered at my home yesterday. They arrived safe and sound.”

The Dead Dog

A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.

"Are you sure", the distraught woman asked? "He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?"

The vet paused for a moment and said, "There is one more thing we can do." He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.

"Well, that confirms it", the vet announced, "your dog is dead."

Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, "How much do I owe you?"

"That will be $1,330", the vet replied.

"I don't believe it", screamed the woman! "What did you do that cost $1,330????"

"Well", the vet replied, "it's $30 for the office visit and $1,300 for the CAT scan."

Who was always rushing around

Who was always rushing around the kiln? Harry Potter.

An Arkansas mountain woman wen

An Arkansas mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asked her husband, "What is a specimen?"
He replied, "Danged if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She's a nurse."
The woman went next door and came back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body.
"What in the world happened?" asked her husband.
"Danged if I know," she replies. "I asked Edith what a specimen was and she told me to go piss in a bottle. I told her to go fart in a jug and then all hell broke loose."