Popular jokes (17656 to 17670)

Feeding beef to a dog is ro

Feeding beef to a dog is in corgi a bull behaviour.

My husband wants me to ask you....

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it at all." Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

A man walks into a bar a...

A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed.

The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is.

All he says is, “All lawyers are assholes.”

A man sitting in the corner shouts, “I take offence to that!”

The pissed-off guy asks him, “Why? Are you a lawyer?”

He replies, “No, I'm an asshole.”

Chuck Norris has never been in...

Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?

Humor About St. Patricks Day

The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. "

"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."



His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.

"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.

"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.

#joke #policeman #doctor

Piercing a Pirate

Q: How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

A: A buck an ear.

 Question And Answer Blond Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Carlos told his wife he wanted

Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi. “The next day she bought him an electric guitar.”

Stupidity is passed on in the

Stupidity is passed on in the womb. Has something to do with the am idiotic fluid.

A redhead walks into a salon a...

A redhead walks into a salon and the hair stylist says your hair is gorgeous and the redhead runs her hand through her hair and says It's natural.
Then a brunette walks in and the stylist says I love you hair and the brunette runs her hand through her hair and says it's natural.
Then a blonde with green streaks walks in and the stylist says "That's different..."
The blonde sneezes, wipes it on her hand and runs her hand through her hair and says, "It's natural!"

Steadfast In My Beliefs

A trusted aid was counseling the senator, "Some of your constituents are beginning to disagree with you."
The senator replied, "Keep tabs on them. When enough disagree with me to constitute a reliable majority, I'll turn around and agree with them."

An old man marries a young wom

An old man marries a young woman and they are deeply in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm so they decide to ask a sex therapist for advice.
The therapist listens to their story and makes the following suggestion:
"Hire a strapping young man and while the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over you, as though he is fanning you both. Make sure he is totally naked and she can see his manhood as he fans you both with the towel. That will help your wife fantasise, and should bring on a full-blown orgasm."
They go home and follow the therapist's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he strips off and enthusiastically waves a towel over them both as they make love. But it doesn't help and still the wife is unsatisfied and frustrated.
Perplexed, they go back to the therapist. "Okay", he says, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The hired hand really works with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming, creaming orgasm.
Smiling, the husband drops the towel, taps the young man on the shoulder and says to him, triumphantly: "Now THAT'S how you wave a towel, sonny!!!"

The world will never run out o...

The world will never run out of water, according to Wells Fargo.

A man was sent to prison for 2...

A man was sent to prison for 20 years. He was so bored while in there he found an ant and decided to teach it tricks - like beg, play dead, roll over, jump hair etc.

He served his time and was released. He took his ant with him in a matchbox.

The first place he went was to a bar. He sat down, took out the matchbox and emptied out the ant.

He then said to the guy beside him, "you are not gonna believe what this ant can do." He showed him all the tricks, and the guy was impressed.

He told him that he could make a fortune with the ant.

The guy with the ant was excited and called the bartender over and said "you see that ant?"

The bartender put his finger on the ant, twisted it and said "sorry sir it won't happen again."

 Real News Headlines 08

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
Man shoots neighbor with machete: The Miami Herald, July 3
Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes: The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30
Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows: The New York Times, March 10
Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies: The Los Angeles Times, March 2
Scientists see quakes in L.A. future: The Oregonian, January 28
Wachtler tells graduates that life in jail is demeaning: The Buffalo News, February 26
Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold: Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26
Prosecution paints O.J. as a wife-killer: Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, January 25
Economist uses theory to explain economy: Collinsville Herald-Journal, February 8