Popular jokes (17776 to 17790)

Drinking caffeine late at nigh

Drinking caffeine late at night could impregnate you! By artificial insomniation.

Codebreakers

“Every day, the feuding codebreakers had cryptic cross words.”

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"God said it, I believe it, that settles it!"

A man put out a classified ad

A man put out a classified ad that read, "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred responses all saying the same thing: "You can have mine."

TWINKEYS

THIS GUY THREW HIS USED CONDEM OUT THE WINDOW BECAUSE IT WAS FILLED UP WITH HIS JUICE SO THE GUY WAS ALL OUT OF CONDOMS SO HE GOES TO THE STORE AND ASKS FOR A CONDOM HES ALL OUT TO SO HE GOES TO HIS BETS FRIEND AND ASKS IF HE COULD USE ONE OF HIS HE WAS ALL OUT TOO SO WHEN HE WAS WALKING BACK TO HIS APPARTMENT HE DECIDED THAT HE AS GONNA JUST GO FIND HIS USED ONE THAT HE THREW OUT THE WINDOW SO HE GOES TO THE SPOT THAT HE THREW HIS CONDEM BUT THER WASA LITTLE GIRL THERE SO THE GIRL PICKED UP THE CONDEM BUT THE LITTLE GIRL DIDNT NO WHAT IT WAS SO THE GUY SAID TO THE LITTLE GIRL I WILL GIVE YOU $1.00 FOR THAT TWINKEY SO THE GIRL SAID OK SO THE GUY GETS HIS CONDEM BASK AND THE LITTLE GRIL GOES TO HE HOUSE AND SAYS TO HER MOM AND SAYS MOM I JIPED THIS GUY HE GAVE ME A $1.00 FOR A TWINKEY BUT I SUCKED OUT ALL THE CREAM

Knock Knock Collection 179

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Toothy!
Toothy who?
Toothy the day after Monday!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Torch!
Torch who?
Torch you'd never ask!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Toronto!
Toronto who?
Toronto be a law against Knock Knock
jokes!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Toucan!
Toucan who?
Toucan play at this game!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Toyota!
Toyota who?
Toyata be a law against such awful jokes!

Question and answer jokes

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A: One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.

Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: Once launched, they can't be recalled.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.

The warehouse smelled like an

The warehouse smelled like an olfactory.

Lawyers Arrive In Japan

Source: Sunday Daily Breeze
Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.
What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.
Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!
The decline has begun.
Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the U.S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 engineers. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.
But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.
If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?

“I need Gestalt reaso

“I need Gestalt reasoning like I need a whole in the head.”

Doctor jokes-Bird hunting

 An Insurance Company

Form Feed
Insurance form question and answer about a recent accident:
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: I could have traveled by bus.
A man collided with a cow and completed the requested form as follows:
Q: What warning did you give the other party before the collision? A: Horn
Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo

What I Love About Baseball

Do you know what I love most about baseball?
The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt...
And that's just in the hot dogs!

Pig in summer

What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?

"I'm bacon!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Yisman

Once upon a time, there was a ...

Once upon a time, there was a cat that died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold black alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat lay down upon the pillow and was happy. A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. The earth was no better for them than it was the cat. They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them roller-skates. One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she liked heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow was the meals on wheels.