Popular jokes (18016 to 18030)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Homosexuality
A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to 'come out of the closet'.His plan was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay.
Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, 'You mean, homosexual?'
'Well...yes.'
His mother said nothing for several minutes, mulling over what she had just heard. Then, without looking up she said: 'Does that mean you suck men's penises?'
Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped:
'Don't you *EVER* complain about my cooking again!'
Good news and bad news...
A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.
HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today."
HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."
HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news."
HER "Well, the air bag works."
Mummy Can I ?
- No, David.
School Collection 21
Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because his class was so bright!
1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?
2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
He couldn't control his pupils!
Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to?
Pupil: Nobody I know!
My friends and I exhumed a tib
My friends and I exhumed a tibia. It was quite the shin dig!The Cautious Monkey
Aman walks inot a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.He steps up to the bar,sets the monkey on the bar,slidesthe peanut bowl ove to the monkey, then orders a beer. While the man is drinking his beer, the monkey takes a peanut,hulls it,looks at it, stickes it up his ass, then eats the peanut. the brtender sees this and tells the man,"Hey!Get that nasty animal outa my bar.""What nasty animal?"
The man replies. "That monkey"says the bartender,"He's hulling those peanuts ,sticking them up his ass, then eating them."
"Oh,He's not being nasty .He's being cautious."
The man says. "How do you figure that?"
ask the bartender. "Well you see," explained the man,"my monkey used to be a gluttion. Then one day a woman gave him a peach, and after passing that pit,now he makes sure it fits befor he eats it"
An elderly couple were driving
An elderly couple were driving across the country.The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"
“I think Santa has ri...
“I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.”
Alex, a widower, went to a sen
Alex, a widower, went to a senior citizen's dance. There he met Ruth, a woman also advanced in years. Alex and Ruth danced every dance together.Afterward, they went out for coffee. As they walked home, Ruth said, "You remind me of my fourth husband."
Alex said, "Really? How many times have you been married?"
Ruth said, "Three."
Little Johnny's class were on ...
Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."Jeff Dye: Mom and Electronics
She doesnt know how to use anything electronic. Anything that requires technology she doesnt know how to use -- except the e-mail forward. I dont know what it is about moms and the e-mail forward, but they get it immediately. My mom cant even use the dishwasher, yet every morning I have 75 new e-mails, all from my mom. Oh great, what cat dressed like a human today? What couldnt wait til never?Keep the change
An elderly couple visits their grown-up grandson one night. While in the bathroom, Grandpa discovers a bottle of Viagra in his grandson's medicine cupboard.
"I don't think you should take one of those," says the grandson when his grandpa asks him about them: "They're pretty expensive."
"How much?" asks the old timer.
"$20 a pill," replies the grandson.
"I'd still like to try one," says the old man: "Before we go in the morning I'll leave the money under the pillow in the guest room."
The next day the grandson goes into the guest room, and lifts the pillow to find $120. Puzzled, he calls his grandpa. "Grandpa, I told you the pills were $20 each!" he says.
"I know," says the old man: "The extra $100 is from your grandma!"
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