Popular jokes (18661 to 18675)

Knock Knock Collection 134

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Nana!
Nana who?
Nana you business!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Neal!
Neal who?
Neal and pray!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Nebraska!
Nebraska who?
Nebraska girl for a date she might say yes!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Nettie!
Nettie who?
Nettie as a fruitcake!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Nevada!
Nevada who?
Nevada saw you look so bad, you should be bed!

Pete and Larry had not seen ea...

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. "I got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us."
"Great. Where do you live?"
"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."
"Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?"
"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."

The second richest man in the world hates restaurants , and has even declared a war on buffets.

#joke #short

Office jokes-Always bad news

There was just a dog fight

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"

"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"

"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."

"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"

"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"

When I saw a wicker furniture ...

When I saw a wicker furniture outlet in Copenhagen, I knew there was something ratan in the state of Denmark.

As a senior citizen was drivin

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

The Beer Prayer

Our lager,

Which art in barrels,

Hollowed be thy drink.

I will be drunk,

At home as in the travern.

Give us this day our foamy head,

And forgive us our spillages,

As we forgive those who spill against us.

And lead us not into incarceration,

But deliver us from hangerovers.

For thine is the beer. he bitter and The lager

Forever and ever,

Barmen.

 Knock Knock Collection 098

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ivor!
Ivor who?
Ivor good mind not to tell you now!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ivory!
Ivory who?
Ivory strong like Tarzan!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Izzy!
Izzy who?
Izzy come, Izzy go!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jack!
Jack who?
Jackdraft!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jagger!
Jagger who!
Jagger'd edge!

“Bisons means about b

“Bisons means about boy twins.”

I Am Not Allowed, House Rules

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
Patient: I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.

Return What Is Stolen

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Des Moines, Iowa:
A repentant burglar returned his loot to its owners, along with a note explaining why: "My priest said I done a wrong."
More than $200, a pair of sunglasses and some golf balls were found Monday morning on the steps of Potthoff Foods Incorporated, a meat wholesaler.
"He took my sunglasses, but I didn't know he took them until I got them back this morning," sales representative Phil Barber said. "You know, I don't think something like this happens that often. It's sort of neat. The guy did wrong, but he tried to make it right."
The break-in at Potthoff's happened late Friday or early Saturday. The thief pried open a door and rummaged through some desks.
Potthoff officials said they're not going to depend on the honesty of thieves' nature in the future.
"We are adding an extra security system today," Barber said.

“I think Santa has ri...

“I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.”

My girlfriend is out in the car #joke #humor

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

On Time for Church

A member of our church choir arrives every Sunday morning with her seven children in tow, all a bit rumpled but never the less on time.
Scarcely able to get my one child ready, I asked her how she managed her brood so efficiently.
"Easy," she replied with a smile. "I dress them the night before."