Popular jokes (18691 to 18705)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The inventor of paper towels died yesterday. Flags are at half-moist. #joke #short
Nice sheepy...
A Montanan is driving down the road and suddenly sees this Californian hitch hiking. He pulls over offers him a lift and down the road they go. After a few miles they come across this sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The Montanan immediately pulls over and jumps out to check out the situation. After a minute he yanks out his dick and begins ramming the sheep from behind.After awhile of doing this he calls out to the Californian who is still in the car, "Hey, you wanna give it a shot?"
The Californian shrugs his shoulders and says, "sure." He gets out of the car approaches the sheep and then sticks his head in the fence.
A young woman came home and to
A young woman came home and told her mom that her steadyboyfriend had proposed, but she had turned him downbecause she found out he was an atheist, and didn'tbelieve in Heaven or Hell."Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'llshow him just how very wrong he is."
Popcorn
Why are men like popcorn?
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Balance Check
Q: What happened when the man asked the bank teller to check his balance?
A: She pushed him over.
Men are like...
Roller C...
Men are like...Roller Costers...
They either make you sick to your stomach or give you the time of your life.
I can sew, knit and cross-stit...
I can sew, knit and cross-stitch. Darn knit all, I'm a triple thread!Knock Knock Collection 155
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ron!
Ron who?
Ron dinnertime, give me a call!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Rona!
Rona who?
Rona the mill!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Rosa!
Rosa who?
Rosa corn grow in a field!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Rosina!
Rosina who?
Rosina vase!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Roxanne!
Roxanne who?
Roxanne your head or something!
Question And Answer Jokes
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Q: Whatâs the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
So now, I'm, Just Fred
A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides he might give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.So, he asks the man his name.
"Fred," the driver replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades.
"When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.
"Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD.
Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my dingaling . . . so now I'm just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
The opening scene of the movie...
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.Try to settle the dispute
There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and punched him as hard as he could in the nose. The Englishman fell to the ground and was howling in agony and holding his nose for thirty minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to punch you."
The Scotsman said, "Keep the lousy egg."
