Popular jokes (18796 to 18810)

Computer Terminology

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago."

Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.

GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced "gooey")

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

I want to sell my ears. Somebo

I want to sell my ears. Somebody offered me aural for them, but I won't take any lobal offers. I'm gonna play the cartilage I was dealt. I gotta drum up some cash. The deal's gonna be done tinnitus. Ring it through: I bid my ears, ‘audios‘.

Prior to her trip to Texas, Bu

Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker)confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State:
1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.
2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo. And..
3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.
Upon her return, the girls were curious as to howshe fared.
"Let me tell you, they have a tree down there calleda Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket overthat Mesquite, it's ooooh so good. The taste isunbelievable!
"And I went to a real rodeo.Talk aboutathletes...those guys wrestle full grown bulls! Theyride horses at a full gallop, then jump off thehorses and grab the bull by the horns and throw themto the ground! It is just incredible!"
They then asked, "Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?"
"Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of thecondom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"

When I fast I just hun

When I fast I just hunger down and do it.

 Real News Headlines 05

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

 How Have Times Changed?

In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar.
Since then, weddings have been held there, and times haven't changed at all!